The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

New Season, New Manager

Chelsea
They've signed up Xabi Alonso who, I reckon, is the best of the best. Except at unmanageable clubs like Real Madrid and Chelsea.

Man United
Apparently Carrick has been given a two-year contract. When will they learn not to judge by results? He'll be joining Ole-Gunnar by Christmas.

Liverpool
If they don't slot Slot that's their lot.

Man City
Will he stay or will he go?

Newcastle United
There's talk of Eddie Howe staying. Weird.

Burnley
Vincent Kompany may be available.

Arsenal
If he loses both title and cup, we'll be asking questions.

[Mick Harper]

[Mick Harper]

I was curiously unmoved when Arsenal won the title following Man City's draw at Bournemouth. I was more excited--though not in a good way--when I heard that The Pratty One was confirmed as the new (old) manager at Real Madrid. The apparently senile Big Boss at Real sought succour with José Mourinho by ignoring AE's own rules about appointing top level managers:

1. It is impossible to know whether recycled managers will work out at the top level
2. Unless they have been recycled through Chelsea, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur, Roma and Fenerbahçe without any obvious signs of success.

[Mick Harper]

Letters of congratulations to Arsenal for winning the Premier League have been flooding into the news agencies from the usual suspects seeking public office and climbing onto the latest bandwagon.

They invariably claim the writer has supported Arsenal since he (it's invariably a he) was nobbut a lad in short pants. As opposed to long johns, I suppose. I was first in but I've already been joined by two Leaders of the Labour Party, Keir Starmer and Jeremy Corbyn.

Whether any of us are genuine Gooners (as we have learned to call ourselves without quite knowing the correct pronunciation) is open to doubt. I myself switched from Charlton Athletic in middle age. Corbyn is the local MP so naturally he's going to line up shoulder-to-shoulder with his constituents. Though how anyone claims an interest in football and wears sandals is a complete mystery.

Starmer will support anyone or anything to cling on to office. He's supporting Andy Burnham in the Makerfield by-election, which tells you everything you need to know. Burnham himself is keeping his powder dry for the moment. As a Liverpudlian Mayor of Manchester he's already supporting four teams, none of them Arsenal.

But he'll be needing a fashionable London ground to be seen at on Match of the Day to establish his man of the people credentials so I expect he'll be a life-long Gooner soon enough. You may find us a pathetic bunch but at least I left the Labour Party before getting to lead it.

[Mick Harper]

After posting a version of this on Medium, the following witty exchange ensued

[Mick Harper]

I have been toying with ideas about setting up an AE-themed YouTube channel and one of the notions was to include a football section. Having watched

[Wile E. Coyote]

Fair play to Thomas, it makes a refreshing change from the manager, after selecting two for each position, to then select an old has been, (Henderson) who has seen it all before. Surely way better than adding a promising young one to the World Cup squad, for future experience, and then not playing them. Jordan might even get a few minutes.......

[Mick Harper]

You are right. We all remember Theo Walcott and how his life was ruined by having to stay at the hotel lying to WAGS all the time. There's time enough to blood Max Dowman at the Euros in 2028 when he'll be old enough for consensual sex. Not that Arteta allows it.

[Mick Harper]

[Mick Harper]

After English clubs won the first two Eurotrophies of the season, word has gone out that it would be diplomatic for Arsenal not to win the big one on Saturday. Whether we cede to this request is not a done deal, we can be a bloody-minded lot when we've a mind to be.

But no doubt decency will prevail in the end. We may have to let them play us off the park to ensure there are no cries of 'fix'.

[Mick Harper]

The Champions League final, I've just been told, kicks off at 5 pm. Come again? Nobody kicks off at five pm except to avoid a clash with three o'clock matches and there aren't any of them. So exactly why is the most important game of the European season doing so? It can't be for the American market, 8 o'clock works better.

[Mick Harper]

Rank the following in order of interest

[Mick Harper]

Arsenal seem to be in for every major footballer disaffected with their present club. That's quite normal, we're always mentioned in a list of the usual suspects. The difference this time around is that they have to pay us.

[Mick Harper]

Ya gotta feel sorry for Man City.

* They get hammered out of Europe by Real Madrid
* They lose the Premier title by a street to Arsenal
* The sentence on their hundred and odd transfer illegalities is due any minute
* Their owner, Sheikh Mansour, is likely to be sanctioned because of his involvement in the Sudan Civil War.

On the other hand...

[Mick Harper]

Poor old Wiley. As the AEL's Mixed Martial Arts correspondent he's been given two-together for the big dust-up on the White House lawn on June 14th. But President Trump has tweeted that everyone's got to pass a weight-to-height check or they'll be sent away with a flea in their ear.

Mr & Ms Wiley were last seen in tracksuits toiling away in the hottest May since records began, on the rolling hills of (name withheld for security reasons). Our hearts and indeed our blessings go with them.