The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

That is interesting. One would think it is the club management's job but players should bear in mind that (a) the manager's got a bunch of things on his mind other than him and (b) the club's interest isn't the same as the player's interest (or England's if it comes to that).

I sometimes allow 'world class' players countenances to come into it. Phil always looks as though he's about to burst into tears. It's like Jesus's constant scowling expression. It suggests they have resigned themselves to their fate. I trust cheerful players like Declan Rice. Or the blank expressions of Arsenal's central defenders. 'Nothing to see here.'

As for bulking up... well, Foden doesn't rely on speed so that could be a runner. What say you and me set up a Star Players' Helpline? They'd only ring when they are in deep do-do so we could afford to give them random advice. 'Do something' is something they rarely do.

[Mick Harper]

I had an odd set of experiences yesterday re West Ham vs Arsenal. First, I watched it almost-live. And I actually sat on the edge of my seat, it was such a joyous experience. Until the Ben White substitution threw me into a pit of despair. I knew what that meant so I went off to the kitchen to choose a meal that would take the most time to prepare.

By the time I had finished cooking and eating and had returned nervously to the match, the bastards quickly reduced me to screaming aloud at the screen. 'Don't hoof it! Don't hoof it!' I mean that literally. In a flat on your own about something that had already happened is seriously deranged.

I watched it at double speed until the goal was scored. After that I watched it at 5x just clocking the scoreline. When they all started trooping off, I switched off. I wasn't even happy at 'job done'. Just all round furious at being made to go through it all.

Only on MotD did I become aware of the 95th minute 'equaliser'. That would have killed me live for sure.

[Mick Harper]

I was idly watching the Aston Villa vs Burnley highlights, or the Prince William/ Alastair Campbell grudge match as we politicos call it, and when the Villans went one up early doors I waited for the inevitable goal deluge. Then I realised it was Burnley that was in the claret and blue.

But here's a coupla posers for you. Why is an obscure suburb of Birmingham playing against an obscure Lancashire mill town in the world-renowned Premier League of 2026 and both in claret?

It all goes back to 1888, when Lancashire and Midland clubs set up the world's first all-play-all Football League. After that it was the usual tale of 'who that has, holds'.

The claret shirts though is a different matter. If you've ever noticed, no team in the world outside England plays in claret. It's a horrible colour, worn today only by hospitality minions and caricatured as such by Al Murray's Pub Landlord. (Called Burgundy, I believe, but it's the same colour.)

However, loads of English clubs do--West Ham as well as Villa and Burnley do just in the Premiership. So claret must have been all the rage in 1888. That I can't explain. Unless it's...

[Mick Harper]

[Wile E. Coyote]

In Mixed Marshal Arts Khamzat Chimaev, has just lost to Sean Strickland.

There have been multipe reasons given.

But its really an example of Wileys law, that in MMA, despite the complexties of spectacular styles, take downs, kicks, elbows strangulation holds, strikes etc by far the best weapon is the humble jab.........you really cant beat it.

[Mick Harper]

Did you see the Fabio Wardley/ Daniel Dubois showdown for the WBO heavyweight title this weekend in Manchester? I've never seen an MMA fight but this one reminded me of one. I'll summarise the main points. Not of the fight itself--I only saw a ten minute Youtube highlights version and that was grim enough--but of the general situation:

* Who knew Britain had yet another heavyweight world champion in Fabio Wardley?
* Who knew of Fabio Wardley?
* Forget him because Daniel Dubois is now another British heavyweight world champion
* If the 'world' in the World Boxing Organisation means the world.

Only Kazakhstan can match us when it comes to turning out world heavyweight champions. (Or it may be in turning out British promoters of heavyweight boxers.)

[Mick Harper]

[Mick Harper]

Nobody watches a bike race for three weeks unless there's some home interest so when Adam Yates crashed out of the Giro d'Italia on Day Three, many of my late spring diary clashes were sorted out like magic. Adam, you're one of the best.

[Mick Harper]

I was pleased to note, in the furore that followed West Ham's disallowed last minute equaliser against Arsenal, that an ex-referee put forward my suggestion that nobody except the goalie should be allowed in the six-yard box when a corner is being taken.

However, having listened to his critique of his own plan, I have to amend mine slightly. 'Nobody can move before the corner is taken,' otherwise there will be a mad rush of everyone towards the six yard box as the bloke starts taking the corner, reproducing the current situation but at speed.

Maybe the defending side can stand (and/or move) wherever they want, inside or outside the box; the attacking side can stand (and/or move) only outside the box. That would have the incidental advantage of attackers steaming in, leaping high and scoring hatfuls of goals.

[Wile E. Coyote]

Southampton had to acheive the impossible, by beating Middlesbrough, whilst appearing to not have taken advantage of their failed secret spying mission.

They did this by cleverly letting Middlesrough totally overrun them in the first leg, without actually conceding, (0-0) then handing Boro an early goal in the second leg. The ref (who Saints must have bribed to be against themselves) then refused every appeal from Saints for what were three very blatant penalties. Such was the obvious injustice, in all this, those former unsaintly spying misdeeds could at last be forgiven and forgotten.

Saints could now start playing with a clear conscience and win.

Saints 2 Boro 1 (after extra time).

[Mick Harper]

A shame. Boro vs Hull would have been the Battle of the Pits. Not Millwall, they're all Surrey Quays nowadays. Enjoy your year in the sun, sucker.

[Mick Harper]

Games at the top level are now mostly decided by the odd goal scored via an individual act of brilliance, available only to a select few. Phil Foden kept providing them last night. Though he hasn't been for some time.

But then again, when you look at the probable England starters for the World Cup, none of them have been either. A ticklish problem.

[Mick Harper]

Famous Last Words from The Athletic

[Mick Harper]

Professional cycling teams are dependent on attracting sponsors prepared to spend millions in exchange for having their names mentioned frequently on TV. They are in such short supply nowadays -- and cycling is such an expensive business -- that it is normal for a team to have two sponsors eg Alpecin/ Premier Tech, Bahrain/ Victorious, EF Education/ EasyPost.

They're a bit of a mouthful but TV commentators know who butters their bread and can be relied on to mention both sponsors. But not always, so the chief sponsor always comes first.

INEOS resisted this tendency for many years but 'Sir' 'Jim' 'Rat'cliffe has lost so much money with Man Utd, and his bike team are winning so little in prize money, he was forced to take on Net Company, a Danish software giant, as co-sponsor.

They demanded the team be called 'Net Company/ INEOS' but unfortunately for them INEOS is so well-known a team that no commentator (in my hearing) has ever referred to them as anything but INEOS. Presumably Sir Jams is laughing all the way to the bank. "Can I have another loan, please."

[Mick Harper]

Cyclists' kit is festooned with sponsors' names. The only blank space is the cyclists bottoms because sponsors understandably don't want their name to be associated avec les derrières des cyclistes. This is unfortunate because cyclists' bottoms are what you mainly see when they are toiling up mountains, and the casual viewer only bothers to watch when they are toiling up mountains.

A few years ago, a sponsor took the plunge and put their name, bold as brass, across their arse. Now there is not a blank bottom to be seen anywhere in the peleton.

Blank Bottom!
Blank Bottom!
We're not doing the Blank Bottom.

PS Yesterday a commentator referred to the 'Net Company team' without mentioning INEOS, so there may be some justice after all.