CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

The second most exciting thing today was Nescafe Dolce Gusto offering me a loyalty bonus. Since I drink the muck six times a day, I thought, 'That's for you, darling boy.' Even more off my bulk buys.

After an hour and a half working out how to register I discovered the loyalty bonus was either (a) entry into a lottery for a watch I don't need or (b) twenty per cent off a visit to some place I don't want to go or (c) twenty per cent off some summer wear I wouldn't be seen dead in.

The satisfaction in managing to register was prize enough.

[Mick Harper]

I was asked my age today by a bloke hauling my shopping trolley up the steps outside my house. I said I was seventy-nine. It sounded better than seventy-eight which is, to my mind, somewhat wishy-washy. I think I will stick with it for a few years.

PS I didn't know how old I actually was. Seventy-nine was a bit of a stab in the dark, having been taken by surprise. (If you say you don't know they haul you off to a home.) I was impressed at how accurate my guess was when I worked it out. Though a bit depressed too. I thought I was a bit younger to be honest.