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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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Channel 4 has acquired the rights to England's Euro-qualifiers. Why, I don't know, they are not generally very sports-oriented. Channel 4 News for instance regularly devotes a quarter of its running time to politically-approved completely unknown artists but never mentions sport (unless someone sporty has been racist). So what of its coverage of England's Euro-qualifiers?

First off, I can't stand pundits-on-the-pitch. You can't give of your best when the wind and the crowd are in your face. Not that Channel 4's pundits are of the best. Though curiously white and male given less progressive channels' efforts in this regard. But my main gripe is: where are all the other Euro-games? Even Brit-crazed BBC/ITV spend fifteen minutes on a round-up. Last night, an hour of Channel 4 highlights couldn't even be bothered with Italy/Malta in our own group!

And there's nothing else. They've got five channels, you would have thought they could have edged out a rerun of Australian Junior Bake-Off Prelims: The Director's Cut on one of them to discharge their responsibilities as the host broadcaster of European international football. They cannot be serious.
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Mick Harper
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Don't forget our annual pub quiz question: Which country in England's qualifying group is not a nation state?
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Grant



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England of course
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Mick Harper
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Wrong on this occasion. To satisfy our Russian fan base we're going for Ukraine.

PS When I wrote that I typed satsify and a red wiggly line accordingly appeared. It suggested salsify instead. Google Chrome's spellchecker is very useful in broadening one's vocabulary. The next step is to discover what it means. 'To introduce one's wife to salsa dancing' is vying with 'a British meadow plant' in my own mind, so that's your next pub quiz question.
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Wile E. Coyote


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Scotland got a historic win against Spain 2-0, but virtually nobody in Scotland saw it.

Which of the following is correct?

1) Westminster have banned the Scots from watching their own games.

2) Holyrood had banned it, as the two winning goals were scored by an Englishman.
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Mick Harper
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This is not unimportant. England's competitive games are 'protected' i.e. they must be shown on one of the five terrestrial channels. This is not a matter of legislation, it is simply a private agreement the Ministry of Jollification has entered into with the TV companies (with the stick of 'we can be nice to you or we can be nasty to you when it comes to ministerial judgement decisions required by legislation). It is almost certainly illegal under various British statutes and European treaties concerning penalising commercial companies without due process but nobody has felt the need to challenge it. It's relative small beer and relatively big politics.

Scotland v Spain was on Viaplay which requires a separate subscription so clearly is not just not terrestrially-protected, it's not ordinary cable-protected either. But just as a final twist: this might be no bad thing. Scottish football, unlike English football, needs all the money it can get and the most money it could get was presumably via Viaplay. Sport is not an England/Scotland protected activity so presumably the Scottish Ministry of Jollification lacks the muscle to speak up for the Scottish TV football fan. Though technically -- or so I thought -- the British Ministry speaks for Britain.

PS Scotland vs England was terrestrially protected when it was played so it will be interesting, if it is played once more, and Viaplay turns out to have the rights for it. I'd call it a potential Battle Royal if I knew how King Charles is going to be divvied up. Not the King Charles, John Charles, who was Welsh.
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Mick Harper
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Dan Snyder: I'm never going to change the name of the Washington Redskins.
Dan Snyder: I'm never going to sell the Washington Commanders.
Dan Snyder: I've received two bids for the club, both six billion.
NFL: So what's the hold up? We want you out.
Dan Snyder: Both are complete unknowns with no connection to either football or Washington.
NFL: So what's new?
Dan Snyder: I'm waiting for Jeff Bezos to act as tie-breaker.
NFL: We've had a report on your sexual and financial shenanigans on our desk for fourteen months, so it's make your mind up time.
Dan Snyder: What diff? You've had to promise to publish it anyway.
NFL: There's reports and there's reports.
Commanders fan base: Jeff Bezos, come on down.
Jeff Bezos: Who needs it? I'm staying up here in space.
FBI, Hoover Building ,Washington DC: Jeff, we've got this report...
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Mick Harper
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Arsenal 4 Leeds 1

Don't be fooled, they were dreadful. The pen was a travesty, White tried hard to miss the second and even at three-up they looked rocky. (Who got a ceremony before the game.) Arteta finally took my advice and gave Saka a rest, then brought him on when the game was won! Duh. They'll have to turn Jesus into an Ozel-lite, he's still useless as a striker. Still, I can't see us not winning the title smothered with such jam. The scurry-scurry, pingy-pingy style really does seem able to smother the opposition.
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Mick Harper
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Chelsea are, I would think, the most expensively assembled team in the world yet they can't get into the top half of the league. Potter will have to go of course -- they've stopped denying it angrily -- but I wonder if that will make much difference. They've got some real dickheads in charge over there.

Brentford and Brighton could be vying for a place in the Champions' League. MoTD commentator

An intolerably depressing prospect and not just because they will be in Pot Four and on the way out before they've got their eye in.
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Mick Harper
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Chelsea, Leicester Listen To Harper, Wiley

The sacking of Graham Potter is an early example of Wiley's new AE maxim: throwing resources at a problem can be a problem. It would appear that spending a decade's worth of transfer money on buying two new teams of players (though not, as Shearer pointed out, a centre forward) in a single winter break is probably not a thunderously good idea.

The sacking of Brendan Rogers is so-so. He didn't deserve it, he had to go. But talk that Rogers can go to Chelsea and Potter to Leicester is an example of the AE maxim: horses for courses in a multivariate universe (yet to be ratified). Rogers has shown he can manage a big club, Potter has shown he can manage an unbig club. Not that either should be appointed. It breaks the AE maxim: dressing rooms won't listen to someone who's just got the bumrush. You have to wait a few months. Every good manager has been sacked at least once.
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Mick Harper
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Cocklecarrot on Sunday

The goal that will keep West Ham up and send Southampton down was (a) ludicrous and (b) as per, uncommented upon by legions of officials, commentators, managers and analysts. It went thisaway: West Ham bloke kicks ball past Southampton bloke, clatters into Southampton bloke and gets laid out on the pitch. The ref has to stop play. He restarts with a West Ham freekick (a fair way out, near the byline) which is headed into the goal.

Now the ref knows the Southampton player stood stock-still and did nothing wrong, If any offence was committed it was the West Ham player clattering into him. How do we know this (apart from watching it on slo-mo afterwards)? Because the ref didn't give Soton man a yellow card. People who lay other people out on football pitches always get yellow cards (or worse).

But several soppy conventions are at play here:
1. Refs never give defenders free kicks for being clattered into
2. Refs don't like having genuine dropped balls after no-fault collisions
3. Refs don't mind being unfair to a player (free kick) if they can simultaneously be fair to him (no yellow card)
4. Refs (and VAR and pundits) are insouciant about free kick decisions when they are not in or immediately adjacent to the penalty area

Otherwise nothing to report. Defenders in the area seem to be getting greater leniency for doing their job. Several were allowed to kick man and ball when man put himself in harm's way. Probably because everyone in the Halls of Power reads Cocklecarrot on Sunday. I know I do.
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Mick Harper
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Because Russia are out of the reckoning and various other calculations, Scotland have got two entries into the Champions' League next season. Just as well when you see their own league table

1. Celtic P 30 pts 85
2. Rangers P 30 pts 76
3. Hearts P 30 pts 45

Bit like England really.
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Mick Harper
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Everton 1 Spurs 1

Thank God Harry Kane isn't captain of England. His action on appearing to be pole-axed after a push from Abdoulaye Doucoure and then lying recumbent on the ground seemingly out for the count until the red card was inevitably brandished was positively Rattinian.

How we jeered when Spurs, one-nil up against ten men from the nether regions of the Premiership, went into their shells. How we cheered when the Bowser & Callards equalised in the ninetieth minute. How we feared for the Lillylivers' place in the Champions League next season.

I speak for Everyman not for any particular sectional interest.
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Mick Harper
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Chelsea 0 Liverpool 0

It shouldn't be forgotten that Potter went after losing to Villa despite a 23-3 shots ratio. Same story here, Chelsea could have scored anything up to half a dozen on golden chances created but scarcely came close. They really are a weird team. They are clearly better than anyone in the Premiership save Man City in terms of skill (at speed!) yet aren't in the top half. They are getting Luis Enrique apparently though whether he can turn the lock is... well, he'd better do it quickly is all I can say. And get a centre forward.

How they're going to pass a Fairplay examination if he does is in higher hands. They're already under scrutiny after Covid and Abramovich reparations which seems unfair but there's nothing in the rules and Chelsea don't wave any big sticks. Too honest for their own good. I foresee Lukaku returning (there's already talk of Frank Lampard coming back) but it won't be Old Boys versus Young Boys in the Euroconference.

It looks like Klopp is leaving Liverpool after this result and I can't see him managing any other English side so it will be a weepy farewell both in terms of football and humanity. A rare managerial double. Maybe they'll send him to the Patriots where he can teach Bill Belichick to be, if not human, at least humanoid. Anyway, less reptilian. And he's my hero!
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Mick Harper
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Man Utd 1 Brentford 0

Easily the most interesting thing about this match was the first half drinks break. These are permitted for exceptionally hot weather but this was the first time I've seen it for Ramadhan. I don't entirely trust the theology -- dispensations are readily available and in any case restrictions cease at sunset -- but it was rather heartwarming all the same.

Rashford showed he is still only an instinctive goalscorer, not a cunning one like Jimmy Greaves. Fred has played two hundred times for United? I find this difficult to believe. His has been a sub fusc career with the Red Filth. [Because of Muslim objections they have requested not to be known as the Red Devils for the time being.]
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