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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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Being away for Christmas meant not only was my digibox registering 100% on my return but I had no idea how 100% it actually was. Virgin keep the real figure under severe wraps and normally you can breach it with impunity but not with irresponsibility. Anyway it was panic stations as I set about deleting all the "I'll record it but you won't catch me watching that tripe unless I find myself in a paraplegic hospital with just my digibox" programmes.

Amazon Prime came to the rescue! They had bought up the whole Boxing Day Premiership programme so nobody could watch it. Was I relieved. Then another bonus, Arsenal went three-up against Brighton so I didn't have to sit through the second half. But being top o' the league means Arsenal will be featured big style for the rest of the season so I'm going to have to cancel all my social engagements from now until May. So that's no help. The Patriots won't make the play-offs which should mean I can hold the fort until the end of January but after that I'm making no promises. Should I invest in a second digibox and do Virgin allow this?

I could get married, I suppose. Then I wouldn't be allowed to watch anything of my own choosing but it's a big step at my time of life.
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Mick Harper
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When you're brought down by some oafish opponent, sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't. Unless you're playing in the Premier League. Then it always hurts. It hurts like hell. It hurts so much it forces you to roll over a few times in agony ending up with your face set in a rictus of pain. Not just because of the pain itself but because it looks like you'll be out for six months with a broken leg. That position must be held until

(a) the ref gives your side a free kick and
(b) your assailant a yellow card
but not so long as to require
(c) the bloke with the magic sponge coming on and
(d) you having to go off.

It's all achieved on the training ground. Practice! Practice! Practice!
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Mick Harper
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Bah, humbug. If there's one side less impressive than Arsenal, it's Newcastle.
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Mick Harper
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The passing of the world-cup winning right back, George Cohen, is worth a passing mention. Although you knew his name because you had to be able to recite the '66 side in order, he was the only member of the side you never mentioned! Or saw, because he played in the second division with Fulham so didn't even get on MoTD. Nobody knew anything about him, even whether he was a decent full back.

He was Jewish though we didn't know this either at the time -- the concept hadn't been invented -- except he wasn't, his mum being Irish. His dad was Jewish but he was a gas fitter and since nobody ever says, "My son, the gas fitter" this didn't count either. 'My grandson, the world cup winning footballer' probably doesn't go down that well in Jewish circles. "He failed his accountancy exams?"

Probably a contemporary of right back Ashley Young -- it certainly feels like that. Where do they dig these people up from? Young he isn't. His fellow back four member, Tyrone Mings, didn't fail his accountancy exams but jacked it all in to play for Villa. It takes all sorts. Happy new year.
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Mick Harper
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Live: Brentford Jnrs v Liverpool Jnrs (Sky Sports)

Join the Premier League Juniors team for this special broadcast and see the game through the eyes of an 11-year-old!

Soccer moms, make sure the media rights are sewn up before he puts one boot across that touchline.
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Mick Harper
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The pundits were pretty much split over their New Year predictions about who was going to win the Premiership, half for Arsenal and half for Man City. Where do I stand? Where (hopefully) does AE stand? In other words, where does an eight point advantage halfway through the season stand?

There's no question that City are the superior team. I'm not one of those people who take a delight knocking their own team, Arsenal are excellent. But they're not City. Not in any department, personnel or management. So far, they have been more efficient than City in dispatching Premiership also-rans but there is no reason (that I can see) why this will continue. Bang goes a few points when that evens out.

Whenever Arsenal come up against a biggie, it's either lose or got lucky. That pattern will presumably continue without the luck. More points gone. I'm confident they'll lose to City in both games to come. That's a twelve-pointer right there. On the other hand, in this world cup truncated season, City will likely be more than usually prone to serial exhaustion competing on so many fronts while Arsenal have cunningly excused themselves all extraneous duties save Mickey Mouse ones useful for giving squad players a run-out.

So my prediction? One of them will squeak it. It's a true fifty-fifty. The pundits were absolutely spot on.
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Grant



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Forget the pundits. You might as well ask a random group in Wetherspoons. Expected goals is the answer.

According to expected goals Arsenal have scored five goals more than expected but Man City have scored seven more. City, though, have conceded two goals more than expected. Overall, if they had played exactly as expected Man City would be a point ahead, instead of seven behind.

The good news is that the stats show that Man City are only two points better than Arsenal over a whole season, so they are very unlikely to make up the seven, unless the Gooners blow up.
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Mick Harper
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Now that is good. Both objective and unusually applied.
unless the Gooners blow up

They blow up every game, coming out of the stocks playing a dream and then playing as though they are in the stocks. They did blow up last season but (a) that is not a sample and (b) they would appear to be a tougher team. It is a fact that City have a better squad and better able to not blow up, but Arsenal have suddenly become one of the big spenders (and City suddenly not). According to Transfer Talk on Sky Sports News the 'Gooners' (I wish someone would tell me what that's all about) are in for

(a) a Ukrainian boy-wonder who everyone's tracking but Arsenal are his first choice
(b) an Argentinian boy-wonder who is available for £110 million or £19 million for a six month loan. It's your choice.
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Mick Harper
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Christiano Ronaldo has signed for a Saudi football team for a reported hundred and seventy seven million. These things are always subjective but personally I would go for three Erling Haalands.
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Mick Harper
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So the Premier League select a Sikh Punjabi to run the line for the very first time. What game do they give him? Southampton v Forest. If that isn't racism I don't know what is.
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Mick Harper
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And Kane only needs two more goals to equal Jimmy Greaves Spurs goal tally BBC commentator

Since he played for most of his career with Chelsea, Milan and West Ham, I dare say this is true. Speaking of legends, Jurgen Klopp showed his utter contempt for the traditions of the FA Cup by sending out his best side against Wolves. Serves him right, he'll now have to play them all over again in the replay.
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Mick Harper
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If any of you are Arsenal fans (what a thought!) then take heed of the Los Angeles Rams. A year ago they won the Super Bowl. Now they are nearly the worst team in the NFL and in terminal disarray because of the money and draft picks spent on winning the Super Bowl. Run by the same bloke in charge of top o' the league Arsenal.
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Mick Harper
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A Cocklecarrot double this week. When Ivan Toney locked the defender's arm in and then threw himself down onto the ground, he was employing an old Alan Shearer trick. The ref in those days rarely fell for it but the VARman who could see it in all its glory decided to honour Shearer by giving it for old times sake.

I think the bloke must have moved on to Villa Park because he balanced it up by not giving Leeds a pen when he could see, in all its glory, the defender pulling the Leeds forward back. The ref could have provided a home win double by red-carding the forward who ended up kicking the goalie in the head as he tried to keep his balance, but decided Leeds had been punished enough. Not that you can punish Leeds enough. For old times sake.
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Mick Harper
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Spot the Odd Men Out

Tottenham Hotspur
Fulham
Brighton
Brentford
Liverpool
Chelsea
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Mick Harper
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I have been watching Sky Transfer News at seven each night because (a) the two experts hate each others guts but fascinatingly cannot decide whether this should be a programme feature or should be stifled on air to maintain proper television news decorum and (b) Arsenal were in the process of signing some Ukrainian wunderkid for eighty million. Although Arsenal were blanching at the cost (he's worth prolly 40-50 mill) the bloke himself said he was only interested in going to Arsenal and was wearing the shirt to prove it. So it would be Shakhtar Donetsk that would blanche in the end.

There's no Transfer News on a Sunday so I had to make do with MoTD where I discovered that he has signed for Chelsea for £85 million. He can team up with Aubameyang for all I care. In a sack and be thrown into the Tiber.
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