The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

Honestly, Wiley, I wholly concur. But let us consider the Premiership, surely the nearest approximation to 'the better international sides' available for statistical analysis. Rashford doesn't even play in it regularly and when he does, not usually as an out-and-out striker. Here are the current top scorers

Erling Haaland 18
Harry Kane 12
Ivan Toney 10
Rodrigo Moreno 9
Aleksandar Mitrovic 9
Miguel Almirón 8
James Maddison 7
Phil Foden 7
Roberto Firmino 7
Leandro Trossard 7
Mohamed Salah 6
Callum Wilson 6
Martin Ødegaard 6
Wilfried Zaha 6
Harvey Barnes 6
Gabriel Jesus 5
Darwin Núñez 5
Gabriel Martinelli 5
Pascal Gross 5
Danny Ings 5
Alexis MacAllister 5
Bukayo Saka 4
Marcus Rashford 4
Rodrigo Bentancur 4
Che Adams 4

So the first thing to note is that the Premiership, who can afford the very best goal scorers, seem not to be able to find them (Haaland apart). Not surprisingly perhaps, few of them are English. Of those that are, Kane, Foden and Saka were on the pitch, Rashford came on as a sub and Callum Wilson and Maddison were in the squad. Toney was (probably correctly) rejected as a flash in the pan and the others wouldn't get in any squad apart maybe for Zaha and Harvey Barnes who might, but aren't strikers.

So we're not talking about something easily fixed. It's structural.

[Mick Harper]

In ye olden days there were midfielders who had a sideline in scoring goals. I'm thinking of people like Martin Peters, Frank Lampard, Bryan Robson, David Platt. There were even defenders like Jack Charlton or Johnny Byrne who could be counted on to get on the score sheet enough so that it all mounted up (no pun intended).

I accept this happens now but not structurally. Too much specialisation? Defences too ordered? Not enough mud in the goalmouth? I don't know but something has changed.

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Mick Harper]

Ah, yes, coddling. A.k.a being loyal to players who have been loyal to you. A.k.a class is permanent, form is temporary. A.k.a he's always done a job for us in the past All this may be relevant at the club level, it may even be relevant at the qualifying level, but there's no room for passengers at the sudden death rounds of world/euro tourneys. Anyone who needs coddling, for a start, shouldn't be on at the start.

But to be fair to The Man, he picked nearly the best side, he brought on nearly the right substitutes, he did go out to a missed penalty. Take Kyle Walker (please). You can argue he was a busted flush as long ago as Russia 2018 but he did keep Mbappé quiet. And the bloke on the other wing wasn't half bad against everyone else, so playing four at the back wasn't the daftest thing in the world. You can't play two strikers and four at the back. Though I like the idea of putting the frits up Kane by picking Toney instead for a coupla qualis "to see if he can translate his club form etc", "to give Harry a breather from his arduous round of club matches etc"

And then there's the Dier mystery...

[Mick Harper]

As I understand it, Dier was being groomed to be a ball-playing centre back. True, he's neither a great defender nor a great defensive midfielder, but crucially he can do both. We watched in desperation as England dragged it out from the back because neither Stones nor Maguire know how to turn with the ball, as Dier does. With Dier in, there's no room for Henderson and there is room for ...er... Mount. No, I see what you mean.

[Wile E. Coyote]

Still, where all is said and done, Southgate maintains the confidence of the dressing room. No doubt about it, he would have the tenners and twenties dropping into any collection plate, whilst Wiley would have buttons and a safety pin.

How does he do it? It's essentially built on a defence which is not that good but is covered by great defensive midfielders such as Rice and Phillips (when fit). Having Kane up front, a genuine world class finisher, 53 goals from 80, means that if England don't concede we have an excellent chance of winning 1-0 against poorer nations, providing, that is, we make no mistakes and keep our shape, which thanks to Gareth we generally do.

Southgate's genius is to keep some super exciting talents all out pressing, whilst on defence for their 70 minutes, then substitute them and still make them feel good about themselves even though they have actually contributed less attacking-wise than they do in the Premiership. He is probably the most Ramseyesque manager since, err, Ramsey. If he only had a Charlton (why can't we have a few more long shots) or a Peters (step forward Bellingham), we would have a chance. Gareth will always have that suspicion of flamboyant players, which means that they will never get a run of starts unless they sign up for the Southgate press. They are doomed to get 20 mins to change the game at the end, when every other bugger is knackered. It's all a bit 1-0 against Albania, 1-2 against a big European footballing nation. But the manager is the best available and he always gets us through to the Quarters.....

[Mick Harper]

[Mick Harper]

I can forgive incompetency, I dinna like rank stupidity. So England are trying to build a first innings lead for the perils of the fourth. They send in eighteen-year-old Rehan Ahmed up the order at number eight. Why? Is he a good batsman? Nobody knows, he's only played three first class matches so a maximum of six innings is not much of a sample size. That was stoopid. It doesn't matter though, his only job is to prop-and-cop while Foakes carries on accumulating. Rehan skies his second ball to mid on with an extravagant swish. I don't care how young he is, I don't care what he's like as a leggy, he's an eejit.

And so is Foakes. Before this he was batting with supreme comfort with this new Brook chappie and they've put on gazillions. Brook is on 111 and gets an iffy LBW decision against him. He walks! England have got three reviews left, and only the tail to come. Now Brook is an eejit for walking but he's tired and on Nelson, so maybe has an excuse. There's no excuse for Foakes not taking matters into his own hands and demanding a review on his partner's behalf. Not that we'll ever know the outcome, the eejits in charge of broadcasting didn't bother to show us. Possibly the turning point of the whole test match.

[Mick Harper]

Americans are always sneering at the names we apply to fielding positions in cricket but they've got a new one to laugh about. Nasser Hussein introduced us to 'short long leg'.

The boy wonder was promoted to number three but misunderstood his role of nightwatchman by being bowled taking a swipe. He had previously been lauded for taking 'a fifer' though they were mostly the result of bad balls skied into the outfield. It was noticeable that Stokes preferred playing Root and Leach in tandem when not trying to buy a wicket. I refuse to join in the worshipful throng until he's played his fifth first class match.

But then I was brought up playing against Derek Underwood (Bromley Grammar School) on south London non-turners in matches when the series had not already been decided. (It's 45-43 in the battle of the second elevens.)

[Wile E. Coyote]

Gary Neville has become a sort of unappointed MU spokefan. Anyway he has decided to advise the Glazers that any sale of the Red Devils must be a full sale, so they will have nothing more to do with the club. Apparently the Glazers are holding out for 6 billion. So this full sale or nothing, is really narrowing the field down, as apparently Old Trafford also needs redeveloping and that's another billion or so, that is if you are going not to lose a few constructors. So it's really looking like a Middle East regime that is unsavoury, or a mega corporation, either way further bad news for Gary's principles or, hang on, how about a position as possible front spokesman for the new owners?

[Mick Harper]

I thought the British billionaire who bought the Sky Bike team was in the frame. He'll understand our traditions. How Old Trafford has always to be in the throes of a billion-pound redevelopment and the manager has to be sacked for not understanding United traditions. However Gary's best friend, David Beckham, is currently scouting prospects in the Middle East if the Glazers do decide to go in for an unsavoury-bidders auction.

Personally I think the Man City people should buy United, merge the two clubs and then take it to the Middle East where, I understand, there are several billion-dollar stadiums ready and waiting. They would have to take both sets of supporters to fill the stadiums but that's just a bonus.

[Grant]

Amazing that in 1990 United were up for sale for 20 million.

[Mick Harper]

Was that the Carlisle bloke who capered around at halftime because he'd just signed on the dotted line but, it turned out, couldn't get the financing in place for the last half million? Second question: who had the narrowest escape

A: the man from Carlisle
B: Manchester United supporters
C: the British people as a whole
D: the world
E: the solar system
F: the galaxy
G: the universe?

[Mick Harper]

Of course there is the theological question about whether God is a Manchester United supporter. If the astrophysicists' Big Bang theory is correct then God lives a long way away and probably is, but if the Christians are right about him being everywhere (which would technically include Manchester) then he probably isn't.

[Mick Harper]

I was a hippie before I was an Applied Epistemologist and me and my best hippie mate used to get up to all sorts, mainly concerned with growing root vegetables and building basic buildings. It was a wonderful life. But no sport. None. Not a sausage. Nothing to do with being against competitive games (we played Scrabble) or not doing stuff the unhip world did. It just didn't figure in the hippie way of life.

So imagine my surprise that all along this mate of mine was in fact not only a great footballer (turning out for the Hendon Under-XI XI in the Middlesex League) but a great thinker about the game. He's just brought out a book on the subject https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ugly-Laws-Beautiful-Game-After-ebook/dp/B0BLJ14RZ6/ref=sr_1_7?qid=1672395325&refinements=p_27%3ABernard+Seal&s=books&sr=1-7 Not that I agree with his diatribe against red cards. (You can scroll down the Look Inside to see how completely wrong he is.)

It's like discovering your mum was a Filipino comfort girl during the war.