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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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Wiley wrote:
If you had alternate picks for rival teams

I don't know if you remember but I once pointed out that when (in this case) Wales and England arrive at Qatar Street Primary's playground with their fifty-two combined players, England will get the first twenty-six picks and Wales will be left with the rest.

In fact, I doubt that any of the Welsh players would get in England's reserve 26-man squad. Spurs' Ben Davies might squeeze into England's third 26-man squad if they are as short of left backs as you claim.
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Mick Harper
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I hate knowing the score before I watch a match on the highlights but it is not always possible where I live, a multicultural district of London full of people that, shall we say, do not share our fondness for restraint.

Thus, it's four pm and motorcades of tooting horns are processing up and down Ladbroke Grove. It can only be because of Morocco vs Belgium but who's doing the celebrating? We've got literally billions of Moroccans round here but no Belgians (it's unofficial but the ban is quietly effective). So Morocco beat Belgium? Not necessarily (apart from being intrinsically impossible). Belgians often cross the Harrow Road in carloads looking to abduct our women into the white slave trade so they may be using a celebratory win as cover.

No, I shall be able to watch the highlights in a proper quiver of unknowingness.
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Mick Harper
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German: If we play out a draw, we'll both go through by beating minnows in the last game.
Spaniard: Just like that Mick Harper said. Wilco.
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Mick Harper
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We have been neglecting Qatar's primary sport, camel racing. Here's an update.

*This is their equivalent of our horse-racing i.e. a patrician sport that is supported by fevered attention from (and betting by) the populace
*Millions may be spent on purchasing the requisite quality of camel and training them to race-fitness but the real determinant is the weight of the jockey
*Forty thousand children had been 'acquired' from the Sudan, Pakistan etc to meet this desideratum
*They were mistreated and lived in squalor, as is the Qatari way
*This led to complaints from the west, as is their way, so with the World Cup on the horizon...
*Qatari experts developed a robot jockey which looked like a human jockey and which trainers could instruct via walky-talky to 'use the whip' etc
*This is contrary to the Koran which forbids the creation of human likenesses and was unpopular with the clerics
*At fifty kilos they weren't too popular with the camels
*The Qataris sent the problem out to tender
*A Swiss electronics firm came up with a ten kilo robot that didn't look like a human being
*This is now standard in the camel racing industry throughout the Arabian peninsula
*The fate of the forty thousand children is unrecorded.
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Mick Harper
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When showing a game live on TV, the vital consideration of how much time is left is shown in the top left hand corner of the screen. When the game is being edited for the highlights package, this is removed. Why?

It is because telly professionals strive to edit the compressed version into a seamless whole when presenting it to the viewer and a suddenly changed figure in the top left hand corner (very slightly) militates against this. One is reduced to registering the time a goal is scored (always shown) to have any idea of when what you are watching is happening in the context of the game.

Telly professionals care far more about showing off their skills than catering to the needs of the viewer. And I mean always, everywhere, without exception. And nobody except applied epistemologists even notices.
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Wile E. Coyote


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The highlights are a post facto compilation of mainly critical moments that are considered crucial to understanding the result. It's a form of visual reel to be followed by the verbal punditry and the statistics, that are there to explain the game to the viewer. The minutes are as important as dates in historical accounts, ie very to those who understand the World through linear time.
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Mick Harper
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Last night, on the Ally Pally bill, we were introduced to the latest boxing sensation. Here's the situation: Adam Azim is a newbie (five fights, five wins). He's up against a seasoned and highly successful pro, Rylan Charlton (eighteen fights, seventeen wins). It's a mismatch, right? Too right, squire, Azim knocked Charlton down twice in the first round and out in the second.
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Mick Harper
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We're choosing sides for the quadrennial Past It Cup. As captain I get first pick

Gareth Bale
Lionel Messi
Angel di Maria
Oliver Giroud
Luka Modric
Dani Alves
Cristiano Ronaldo
Edinson Cavani
Luis Suarez
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Mick Harper
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Justice Cocklecarrot rang the office about the Uruguayan pen. "Defenders must guard against being nutmegged in the area by keeping their hands waving in the air, praying the bloke doesn't shoot instead, and putting up with an injured coccyx when being dumped on the ground."
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Wile E. Coyote


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Mick Harper wrote:
We're choosing sides for the quadrennial Past It Cup. As captain I get first pick

Gareth Bale
Lionel Messi
Angel di Maria
Oliver Giroud
Luka Modric
Dani Alves
Cristiano Ronaldo
Edinson Cavani
Luis Suarez


I think you have made a mistake by including an appentice Ronaldo, who should still be cleaning the boots of teammate Pepe who is 39. Thiaga Silva at 38 might be reaching an age when he comes into consideration for Wiley, but maybe he needs another year at Chelsea to fully mature. Don't want to rush him in before he is ready.
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Wile E. Coyote


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BTW can you become past it at 23? I mean Mount now has had 34 appearences, how many caps do we have to give him before we realise he is not, and never will be, David Platt, Bryan Robson, Frank Lampard. Steven Gerrard, etc.
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Mick Harper
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... cleaning the boots of teammate Pepe who is 39. Thiaga Silva at 38 might be reaching an age when he comes into consideration

Neither of these gentlemen are available for selection as candidates must be included by right in their starting elevens and be playing like carthorses.

BTW can you become past it at 23? I mean Mount now has had 34 appearances, how many caps do we have to give him before we realise he is not, and never will be, David Platt, Bryan Robson, Frank Lampard. Steven Gerrard, etc.

Mr Mount is not available for selection as he is in the 'playing like carthorses when still young' category and, along with most of the present England starting eleven, eligible for selection in Elon Musk's newly launched Free to Be Abused competition. Know your cups, Wiley, don't be in them.
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Mick Harper
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Which reminds me, the greatest day of (yester)year will soon be upon us. The third round of the FA Cup. I see Arsenal have as usual been awarded patsies while arranging for Man City, Man Utd, Chelsea and Liverpool to get toughies. All the same, we may decide to concentrate on the league.
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Mick Harper
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The hopelessness of the Welsh and the difficulty England had in overcoming them permitted us a clear insight into what England's basic problem is.

The players are too far apart.

What they are good at is intricate short-passing and running off the ball. What they spend most of the game doing is standing stock still, miles away from one another, and hoping something will turn up. Why? It is because of two pernicious assumptions

1. That flank players must stand on the touchline, thereby 'widening the field of play' to the vexation of the defending side. Defending sides have been wise to this ploy for many years and simply leave the flank players to get on with it, out there in the boonies.
2. You must "get your players up the park".

Meanwhile England, who are trying to get into the opponent's third so they can deploy their short passing and running off the ball with people who have got up the park, seldom arrive in this advantageous position because the people initiating the process -- Pickford, Stones and Maguire -- have nobody to pass to. At least not with the security demanded by passing to one another in your own third. So they pass the ball among themselves (they are always close to one another because they are the only players in the team not subject to either doctrine) until one of them hoofs it. Er... sorry... plays a long ball over the top.

Football is such a simple game.
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Wile E. Coyote


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New idiocy, Var disallows goal after match completed in Tunisia France. This is exactly what the loons want, Geoff Hurst is soon going to have his 66 goal Vared out.
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