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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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I trust it has occurred to everyone that England and Wales are in prime position for a stitch up when they play their group game. All three results may be available in order to

(a) send England and Wales through to the next round and/or
(b) ensure England play Ecuador/Senegal rather than Holland in the next round.

Shades of West Germany vs Austria in 1982. Is there a Scottish referee in the house?
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Wile E. Coyote


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You can't do deals with rogue terrorist states like Iran, USA or Wales. It's not the English way. We need to play our first 11 and try and score as many as possible, before losing.
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Mick Harper
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I'm not one to complain (I'm just passing on other people's) but why are we getting our world cup rations in such dopey segments. Nobody outside the players' mums wants to watch ninety minutes of Laos vs the Seychelles, yet we get every match, full length, both main channels. At the other end of the spectrum, nobody wants five minutes of Argentina vs Saudi Arabia, with three taken up with Messi taking a penalty, squeezed in between five minutes of other chaps playing other chaps, squeezed in between reports from the England and Wales camps. (If they're allowed to use the word camp.)

What do we want? We want half-hours devoted to each match like we do every Saturday for the Premiership on Sky and BT. We can choose which ones we want to watch, like we don't if it's Forest v Bournemouth, but we can pick it up on the highlights.
When do we want it? Roundabout midnight when the wife and dogs are safely locked up and we're free from "Ooh, he's nice."
Why ain't we gonna get it? Do you have to ask? The format was laid down by Lord Reith and can't be changed without an Act of Parliament. Despite both channels having twenty-seven other channels in which to do it.
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Wile E. Coyote


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It's getting more varcical with each game.
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Mick Harper
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Hatty, typical woman, agreed with me beforehand that Argentina were prolly going to win it all. They always agree with you, don't they, to hide their lack of fundamental understanding of the game.
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Mick Harper
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While Mexico were showing they are a power to be reckoned with in Qatar, over in Mexico City all eyes were on the San Francisco 49ers versus the Arizona Cardinals at the Azteca. And speaking of the NFL, consternation stalks the Land of Gridiron because the Indianapolis Colts have just plucked an ex-player from the ranks of pundits to become their Head Coach. Why the furore? Well, NFL head coaches are accorded the status of POTUSes, you can't get higher. How dare the Colts play so fast and loose with the ordered order.

This is how come if only they would listen to a Britisher AE-ist. NFL teams are awash with coaches for everything from the Quarterbacks Coach to the Special Teams coach to the Linebackers Coach all the way up to the Defensive Co-ordinator and the Offensive Co-ordinator. The Head Coach doesn't need to know how to coach. Needless to say, Indianapolis have improved outasight in every department since his appointment.
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Wile E. Coyote


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I give up, you now actually have fans that travel to another country and complain about their horrible laws on social media. This is the equivalent of going to the Shed in the seventies, taunting the "Chelsea rent boys", then being surprised when you end up without your teeth at the bottom of the Thames.

Guys, if you want a safe weloming break, then you have Eurovision.
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Mick Harper
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And don't forget, it would be the equivalent of twenty million people descending on England for t'cup. An England about the size of Greater London (and mostly sand).

But that was why Qatar... er... paid to host it. To be talked about on the world stage.
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Mick Harper
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While Australia were not showing they are a power to be reckoned with in Qatar, over in Melbourne City no eyes were on the 3rd ODI at the MCG. There were however some questions that needed answering (not the one about after the Lord Mayor's parade, or indeed during an alternative Lord Mayor's parade)

* How do you lose by 221 runs in a rain-affected limited overs match?
* Why is Moeen in the side? He's the third spinner in the party -- and didn't get a bowl in this one as the yellow-and-greens carted the seamers all over the park -- and bats very badly down the order.
* How can DRS tell what a spinning ball will do after it has hit the batsman on the full? Behave viciously, the DRSbot claimed, when some poor Aussie discovered he'd unconsciously put an almighty rip on the ball and it was going to miss the off stump after hitting some poor Englishman in front of his leg stump.
* Why was tumultuous applause heard from all parts of a cavernously empty stadium? Memo to Packer TV: what was acceptable during Covid is not cricket now.
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Wile E. Coyote


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Am I the only person that thinks that giving Quatar the world cup was a whizzo idea to get them to leave OPEC?

Well done Michel. Well done Sepp.
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Wile E. Coyote


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Mind you, giving the previous one to Russia didn't work quite as well, still it's a glass half full.
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Mick Harper
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What then is your prediction about Canada, the USA and Mexico? That they will all leave the North American Free Trade Area? That they will invade Greenland?
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Mick Harper
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World Cup Notes

* If Japan think they'll go through by beating Costa Rica they will rediscover the Pearl Harbour principle. Beating two opponents out of three early doors is never enough. Germany and Spain will go through, you'll see.

* Any team with Batshuayi in it is doomed. Doomed, I tell you.

* If we have to play Spain in the knockouts, we're doomed. Doomed, I tell you.

* Despite FIFA's fine words about spreading the footballing message, the Old Order established in the 1930's is just as strong as ever. Plus ça change, as Michel Platini said, counting his.

* None of the Old Order countries seem able to field teams with many Old Order citizens in them.

* Where are all the Third World jokers? The wildly gesticulating referees, the bloke who kicks the other team's free kick up the park, the flappy goalkeepers, the cut-down shirts, the sit-downs for not having been paid. Everyone is on their best behaviour apart from First World countries covering their mouths during team photos and suchlike jokers.

* We await Brazil.
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Mick Harper
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Hatty pointed to her dissatisfaction with the World Cup and on this occasion I was obliged to agree with her. We decided it was because of the sense of unreality pervading the whole business. 'Potemkin villages,' was her phrase.

Some people in national kit turn up to play a game in a stadium looking like an upturned Arab dhow (just built, never to be used again when the captains and kings have all departed) against some others in a different kit. Most of them -- though this is not peculiar to Qatar -- play one another regularly in Europe in different kits. Cut to thousands of people in the stands wearing all red or all yellow or all sombreros but don't cut to them in huge assemblages staring at giant screens because they couldn't get tickets. In Qatar they pay you to be there.

Or roaming around the country in gigantic wanderungens causing joy and mayhem where e'er they go. I'm talking about the supporters now, not the WAGS. Nobody can wanderungen further than the other end of Qatar City, and you try getting a drink when alcohol is banned within half a mile of a football stadium on matchdays and every day is a matchday and there are football stadiums every mile. And Geordies, forget about having (strictly heterosexual) sex in shop doorways, they're all souks.

Where is the footage of the Barmy Army in dugout canoes going up the Amazon to Manaus? Or vandalising the Tran-Siberian railway on their way to Omsk and all being shot? Imperishable memories we will never be able to take from this world cup. I'm not even sure we'll be able to rouse ourselves for Harry on the open top bus with the Third Place Trophy.
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Mick Harper
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When are Portugal going to have the temerity to drop Ronaldo, now such an obvious bust?
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