The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

It turned out to be a double bluff. Obviously the reason I thought it was unbelievable is because it is unbelievable. On the purely technical level it's hard to see what more Tuchel could have achieved. Even the Zagreb defeat was more a case of "we missed loads, they popped one".

And yet... and yet... there was something flaky about both the man and his team. For instance, Zagreb could have scored four, such was the wide-openness of the Chelsea back three. And there was that weird row with Conte. And all that money spent to produce a side that looks 'as before, but not quite'.

Jamie Carragher thinks Graham Potter will be eaten alive by a combination of Euro-inexperience and lack of big club political nous but it is time we tried out an Englishman in one of the top jobs -- it's been a long time since Herbert Chapman -- so I'm all for it. If Potter has to get shredded to discover we're still not up to it, it's a price worth paying. I myself went from Brighton to Chelsea when I left Sgt Yorke's Casino, Station Road for a job at the Playboy Club. That turned out badly too.

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Mick Harper]

I don't think I would include managing Everton and Aston Villa (and definitely not Rangers) as one of the 'top jobs' in this context. Of course Lampard was given Chelsea to run for a bit but... I rest my case.

[Mick Harper]

Actually now I come to think of it that's more important than I thought. Lampard has demonstrated his incapacity, Graham Potter has not. Obglobadob. Was it Bill or was it Ben?

[Mick Harper]

Yawn, It's Eurofootie Day Two

On the Tuchel away-goals rule, Klopp will be for the klop (you never lose it) and all because he wouldn't listen to me. "Never mind he's the highest paid player in Premiership history, I keep telling you Salah's not worth his place in the side." Reports that Joe Gomez is from Catford are wildly exaggerated.

How did Barcelona get on bereft of the fabulous Pierre-Emmerich Aubameyang? Oh, they scored five. Fancy.

Memo to refs: if Athletico Madrid are steaming it at home against ten-men no-hopers who have just equalised in the last minute, allow eleven minutes of extra time to make sure they get the win.

Memo to Man Utd: you'd better buy the rest of Ajax while you're about it.

Wakey, wakey, it's Arsenal on Matchday Three!

[Mick Harper]

News from Eurofootie Day 3

BT Sport had a post-Queen policy of (a) showing all the programmes (b) blacking out all the adverts. Quite appropriate for a privatised arm of the British state. When the ref gave a ridiculous penalty to Real Socieded against Man Utd (and confirmed by the presumably Spanish video ref) we waited for Robbie Savage to live up to his name. Alas, his name was Jimmy Riddle and he could only say breathlessly five minutes later, "That was a well taken penalty."

According to our BT man-in-the-alps, Zurich were 'expecting Arsenal to have all the play'. Blimey, if Arsenal reserves can instil this degree of fear in quite a decent side playing in their home park (well, fifty miles away because of Zurich Diamond League athletics) then we should go all the way to meet Real Socieded in the final. Bring your own video ref, lads.

[Wile E. Coyote]

The Champions league are now using semi automated VAR, and it will in for the World Cup. You can now have a goal cancelled for having half a toe offside. No? In fact yes, it just happened to Bayern Leverkusen, who lost to Clubbe Bruges 1-0 after having a goal cancelled out. These VAR fanatics are spoiling football. Attackers will now have to hang back even further, which means fewer goals scored.

[Mick Harper]

It's true but as the boffo-boffins keep patiently explaining to the biffo-boffins, you either use the half-toe rule or you dispense with VAR. That half-toe is an objective fact, anything else would be the VARman deciding when offside isn't offside. Not really. What's a toe when it comes between Wiley and his goals. 'Course he doesn't really mean a toe, he means a foot. Or in metric measurement, a leg. Soddit, let's keep the game flowing and call it an arm and a leg and everything in between. I'll get my coat. "No, don't go, Mr VARman, Wiley will be first in the queue demanding we listen to the science."

[Wile E. Coyote]

No. You can't be offside for an arm, it has to be a part of your body you can legally score with. That is the current rule. Where the Bayern player went wrong was it was his toe that had drifted offside. If it was a hand or an arm the goal would have been allowed.

[Mick Harper]

Not if it's the goalie.

[Wile E. Coyote]

Is it something in the moose steaks? Best tennis player in the world, Casper Ruud. Best Chess Player, Magnus Carlsen. Best premiership player, Erling Haarland (ok that is stretching it).

[Mick Harper]

Are you stretching it as per being the best player in the Premiership? Surely not, he clearly is. Or in the sense of being Scandinavian? That's fair enough. Leeds, born and bred. Though in fairness they probably can't afford anything more than moose up there. And probably not real moose either. More likely whale blubber shaped into patties.

[Mick Harper]

I'm in two minds about the cancellation of the footie. Yes, it's completely soppy in this day and age and everybody else is just going ahead with matches and making the appropriate gestures at the grounds themselves. And personally I'm narked because Arsenal vs Everton was due to be a televised romp and by the time it's replayed it will probably be a non-televised non-walkover.

On the other hand, football -- and the Premier League in particular --hold a special position in public life (indeed, in the world) that demands something more than the rest are doing. After all, nobody would much miss the other stuff anyway making it something of an empty gesture. So I say, "Yes, but don't make it a habit." Like all the rest of the emotional hogwash that infests Premiership matches nowadays.

[Mick Harper]

31st May 1961 South Africa becomes a republic and leaves the Commonwealth, to the great displeasure of Her Majesty
10th September 2022 South Africa bowled out for 118

Coincidence?

[Mick Harper]

Though technically they batted for two and a half days. That's what Wisden will say.