The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

Did you bet on the IOC, FIFA and Euratom reading my posts on the AEL? One word from me, they caved, and all-the-Russias were out sine die (if you'll forgive the phrase). Ol' Infantino had better watch his back though. The Russians know everything and now they don't have a single reason in the whole wide world not to tell all.

[Mick Harper]

Make no mistake. This is the end of Chelsea. Some flaky nouveau will buy it and find he is just another Premiership owner. And Chelsea will return to the ranks of being just another Premiership team. If even that for long. Much as I dislike Chelsea I find this regrettable.

PS If Abramovich does indeed apply five hundred million pounds to 'Ukrainian Relief' he will become a power in that land.

[Grant]

And this Swiss billionaire hasn’t got a pot to piss in - a mere three billion apparently. Chelsea fans will look back at Abramovich as a legendary figure

[Mick Harper]

Sign of the Times

[Mick Harper]

First Session First Day First Test

I'd been putting it off as long as possible. It wasn't hard, somehow I can't get myself to care whether we beat the West Indies or not. They're not one of the top sides or anything. But of course that wasn't the real reason. Forty-eight for four was the reason (and that's with a coupla dropped catches). How did I know? One just knows.

New chap at the top of the order. Well, they're all new chaps relatively speaking, apart from the old lags, but this one was fresh out of the box. Done well in the county game, they said. Though according to his stats, flashed up on the screen, he is averaging in the mid-thirties. Apparently that gets you the call up these days. If so, there should be plenty more if this one doesn't make the grade. Every batsman in county cricket averages in the mid-thirties. What one would give for an opener who could average in the mid-thirties for England. Actually I'd settle for mid-twenties if it meant they lasted till lunch.

They say the red ball game is dying. It certainly deadens this man's spirits.

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Mick Harper]

Wise words. Though not on this occasion.

England recovered, as they so often do when the shine has gone and the old lags are in. But this is irrelevant. The true test of a nation's character is how the praetorians cope when it is still glad morning and all's right with the world. Except England where spears are not thrust forward with manly stride but wafted by beardless youths stuck in the crease. We shall not see their like again until the second innings.

[Wile E. Coyote]

The problem for the Premiership is they have rather unwisely mixed, rather than kept separate, sport and virtue.

Pecunia non olet.

Oh dear.

[Wile E. Coyote]

It's difficult to know which side to go for, Saudi Arabia or Russia, on Sunday. Saturday is a bit easier as we have an America versus the Bahamas, but still not a good look. This is so difficult. I guess I will go with supporting the Serbs against Italy. I know he is an oligarch but he hasn't killed anyone, and they are actually not currently at war, as they lost last time. So that is surely OK.

[Mick Harper]

Question. What are fielders there for
Answer. To stop runs
Question. Which part of the field gives away most runs
Answer. The third man boundary
Question. Where is there never a fielder
Answer. The third man boundary
Question. Who sets the field
Answer. The captain
Question. Who should be taken out and shot
Answer. The captain
Question. If it's Joe Root, who will have to be taken out and shot in his stead
Answer. I don't know.

[Wile E. Coyote]

It's really a question of the captain knowing the bowler.

A Botham type bowler will still consider the thick edge a moral victory, even though it has ended up as four, and so will want to keep or add another close fielder in. Ok, Beefy would then bowl a bouncer, on the grounds that the batsman (or you!) wouldn't be expecting this, just after you had helpfuly aranged him an additional gully.

Are you confusing captaincy and FuhrerPrinzip?

[Mick Harper]

I rarely confuse anything, Grant. If I had spotted any change in the policy qua bowler, state of the match, nationality of the captain or any relevant factor whatsoever, I would have mentioned it. Since I have been watching slip fielders trotting down to the third man boundary to fetch the ball non-stop for the last ten series I rest my case, and indeed my knuckles after performing a metaphorical tap dance on your head.

I now turn to the question of cow corner when a slow left-armer is bowling during a run-chase.

[Wile E. Coyote]

I will have a quiet word with the Glazers to see if you can skipper the new Man United cricket team. I understand Rashford might also be available, he is certainly quick enough to cover a long stretch of boundary. The boy has talent, but keep in mind that he lacks concentration as he also has the urge to tell the Prime Minister on what exactly we should be feeding school kids. I just mention this as if he drops a skyer or one goes through his legs, then you might need to cut him some slack, give him a bit of Harper TLC, rather than just shoot him.

Good Luck.

[Mick Harper]

The Glazers have just persuaded quarterback turncoat Tom Brady to come out of retirement after he visited Old Trafford to watch how Ronaldo and Cavani were still cutting it. I'm concentrating on gridiron until the season starts in September because this is the rather more interesting legal season.

The top-rated quarter back has been made available by the Houston Texans on account of twenty-two masseuses bringing suit against him for suggesting they go that extra mile. Estimates: a million each with gagging clauses, a million and a half if you want it straight.

[Wile E. Coyote]