The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

Brentford 1 Wolves 2

Well, did you spot it? Has the penny dropped yet. Game is drawn, coming up to half-time. Drone appears, game stopped for extended interval. Therefore after 45 mins it's still a draw. You can tell it was a betting scam because they all have one thing in common. Only M J Harper ever spots them.

[Mick Harper]

Watford 0 Norwich 3

This one's more ambivalent. The floodlights failed at 62 minutes (but only partially) with Norwich in the lead. What makes this suspicious is that this is how the whole thing started with floodlights failing at halftime with the teams drawing and meant that a draw was registered as the final score. None of this applies here so either they've thought up a new wrinkle or this is a case of floodlights failing.

I'm putting a pony on it each way.

[Mick Harper]

With the end of the NFL (Arsenal West aka the Los Angeles Rams are in the Super Bowl), the end of the cricket T20's, the end of the transfer window and the Premiership winter break, I'm all set for Olympic curling. It's mixed doubles round robin GB vs Sweden tonight. But I don't have to tell you lot.

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Mick Harper]

Serious fans should note the following

1. After decades of criticism about Redskins being offensive, Washington Redskins were forced to drop the name Redskins. 'Redskins' is now an N-word, albeit the R-word, and may not be uttered under any circumstances. Remember that. Do not say 'Redskins'. I won't tell you again.
2. The Washington Redskins were re-named the Washington Football Team, which everyone thought was great. "So unusual," everyone said.
3. It was so popular that Washington Football Team havenow decided to rebrand themselves the Washington Commanders, which everyone hates.
4. It has been pointed out that every sports team in America gets known by a short form and the only one available for Washington is 'The Commies'.
5. Someone else said (in a southern accent), "In Washington? They'll need a bigger stadium to get 'em all in."

[Wile E. Coyote]

Washington Commanders or Commies, they will now forever be known as "the toilets."

Wile E.(sic) Coyote.

[Mick Harper]

Too late, Wiley, the name's already been taken. See this letter sent to my family last week

[Mick Harper]

The Scots have let us down. Again. We pay them all this dosh and the one thing we want in return is a curling gold medal once every four years. It's not much to ask. But oh no, let's get sh*t over (it's a curling term) by the Norwegians in the semis.

Boris, the Scotland (You Can F*ck Right Off) Bill 2022, if you please. And I'm Scottish myself so don't write in.

[Grant]

Did you know that all the snow is artificial? It doesn’t snow much in Beijing, so they’ve made it by redirecting a river into hundreds of snow making machines.
We’ve got to nuke them soon or we’re finished

[Mick Harper]

I agree but we'll have to watch the nuclear fall-out blowing back across the border. Only kidding, Geordieland can go too.

[Mick Harper]

Where do we stand on the Zouma cat ? How much should we fine the RSPCA for taking a harmless (and, let's face it, unharmed except for some bruised feelings) animal out of his accustomed surroundings and putting him in the alien world of a cattery? How much should we fine Moyes for being such a myopic twat as to play Zouma the same day? Blimey, it's not as if he's going to play a blinder, is it? Is £250,000 about right for kicking a cat? Is Scotland Yard going to interview fifty people about it?

[Grant]

Next time Bojo does a broadcast to the nation, perhaps he should have the Downing Street cat on his lap?

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Mick Harper]

Brentford 0 Brighton 2

Which of the following have been invented
1. The hydrogen bomb
2. A substance that can be removed/will disappear when marking out a rugby pitch because a Premiership football match is due to be played the following week?

[Mick Harper]

Those of you who know how to head a proper leather football without needing to put on more Brylcreem afterwards (Brylcreem for Girls if Hatty) will remember that Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard were once our two best players but could not effectively play in the same England side together. You will also know that the best players almost never make the best managers. Yet Franko and Stevo (as I used to call them in the dressing room) are both successful Premiership managers (probably). Go figure those odds (probably).