The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

Yes, I am fed up not having a day's illness ever, spending next to nothing on food and even less in preparation time, enjoying it to the rafters and my extraordinary brain being my temple. You remind me of my (other) friends and my whole family constantly worrying about my inexhaustible happiness. "It can't last, Mick, not with your life-style. You've got to get out more, socialise a bit, it's not healthy all that sitting about being a recluse, with only your being-a-genius fantasies keeping you going. You might start believing your reviews for a start. We're not saying you're a borderline case for sectioning but, remember, we have all the signatures necessary between us."

[Mick Harper]

An insightful discussion on Messi now that Sky News is doing its five-times-a-day Transfer News half-hours. [I don't watch them all, I've got more important things to do.] After a long discussion about whether his contract allows him to leave without a transfer fee (set at seven hundred million euros), the following conclusion was reached: if he couldn't, only four clubs could afford to pay it; if he could, only four clubs could afford to pay his wages. (A hundred million a year.)

When it was pointed out that he can't go to Real Madrid, it would break both Paris SG and Man City's Fair Play bank and Milan have already got Ronaldo, everyone concluded that he will stay where he is. (Though, if so, Barcelona's hierarchy won't.) I don't know why Man Utd weren't in the frame -- they need a decent striker -- but presumably they are no longer considered rich enough or ambitious enough. Their big news was signing a reserve goalie on a six year contract. "To give de Gea some competition." Although someone said if City do sign Messi (the Guardiola nexus) the United fans might get restive. Nah, they've given up trying to keep up.

Must go, the two o'clock bulletin's just started.

[Mick Harper]

Harry Maguire's reported bribing of a Greek policeman is an offence under British law (which is framed to stop aerospace manufacturers corrupting African politicians so can occur outside the jurisdiction). Just thought I'd mention it in case Manchester CID aren't too busy. On the other hand, Strangeways is already pretty well covered when it comes to big stoppers at the back. What they really want, the Governor tells me, is a tricky customer up front to lead the line. Someone with a long record of tax fraud so he can really bed in.

[Mick Harper]

Long interview with Harry Maguire on BBC News Channel tonight. I found him entirely believable, entirely innocent and much abused.

[Mick Harper]

The one bit of physical evidence that will establish Maguire's innocence is, as he pointed out, the CCTV cameras outside the night club. Since this is purportedly a matter of local police behaving badly and licensed premises run by local people, my prediction is that there won't be any CCTV footage.

The AE aspect is that this is a matter of Greeks behaving badly so I fully anticipate that at some point in the next few months there will be an announcement that blah blah blah the matter is regarded as closed and Mr Maguire will be welcome to visit blah blah blah.

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Chad]

My only encounter with Greek police turned out to be a surprisingly pleasant one. I was pulled for speeding through a radar trap on Lesbos, and expected an on the spot 'fine'. But as soon as they realised I was an English tourist, I was waved on with a nod and a smile.

[Mick Harper]

Tour de France

Ineos (Sky-that-was) have axed the three Brits that were in with a shout of winning anything. We're being led by a teenage Columbian (and his mum probably). The only Brit left in this British team is Luke Rowe who couldn't beat me up Mont Ventoux. Sir Dave Brailsford should not just have his knighthood removed but his intestines. Is it worth watching for three weeks in case Simon Yates, leader of an Australian team for chrissakes, puts in a showing? I'll give him till the first mountain stage.

[Chad]

Why is Rolf Harris coming in at number 11 for Pakistan?

[Mick Harper]

I wouldn't know. Like everyone except northern didgeridoo enthusiasts I'm hardly likely to watch cricket in real time but will always wait (relatively eagerly) for the highlights. Except, with the BBC and Sky sharing coverage, they have decided there aren't going to be any highlights. Just the once in real time on the BBC and then several real time replays on Sky. I would protest but I have decided instead not to pay my licence fee and go to prison. That will send a message.

I'll give Rolf your love, Chad.

[Mick Harper]

Today's Quiz Question

What is the real reason why Messi and Barcelona had their bust up?

Answer: He had scored 444 goals. Quadruple Nelson. Two points for every correct answer. One point if you knew it was something to do with bad vibes.

[Chad]

[Chad]

[Mick Harper]

We're lucky to still have you.

[Chad]