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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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Mick Harper wrote:
Even the linesmen are wearing pony-tails.

Rebels.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Unless you are in either an outré art or an outlaw biker gang.
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Mick Harper
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What is happening with all these high-priced goalkeepers? Send 'em packing, I say, and put in some low rent English ones. I'm probably too old to put on the custodian's leathers myself but in any case I wouldn't stand in the way of the younger generation. Never have, never will. Same goes for music. Unlike some round here, I know I'm a back number, and proud of it. Of course there are no Applied Epistemologists that can fill my boots but that's always been a long game. I can go on like this until the cows come home. It's a gift.
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Mick Harper
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These so-called professional footballers who insist on shooting from a tight angle when there are team-mates in the box should be taken out and shot. If necessary, not humanely.
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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You might also say professional footballers who insist on taking shots from outside the box should be taken out and shot but you won't, despite the fact that the narrow angle (even from directly in front), and the time taken for the ball to travel, means a goal is highly unlikely. But you won't... you will clap and applaud as it goes wide or just over the bar, or the goalie saves.

Why?
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Mick Harper
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It's worse when somebody gets to the byline and swings over a cross (high goal potential) but a defender gets in the way and it pings off for a corner (low goal potential). Everyone goes mental. Fifty thousand people agree this is a good thing. "We've just won a corner." It's a bit like celebrating the other side scoring because "We've just won a kick-off."

Metrics, that's what we need. A thousand nerds analysing a million games in order to persuade one manager to fine players who shoot from outside the box (or whatever). Only one manager because winning the title boringly will get you the sack.
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Mick Harper
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I have been invited by a West Ham-worshipping friend to accompany him to the West Ham vs Wolves game on Sunday. I am in the unfamiliar position of having to join in singing I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles on account of Wolves being ahead of us in the race for Europe. I won't mention it's the song on the lips of every prostitute working the kebab shop beat on Dalston High Road.
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Mick Harper
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I had to explain to Hatty that 'bubbles' is rhyming slang for Greeks (bubble and squeak). Then I had to explain to her that blowing is a common idiom denoting oral sex. Then I had to explain what oral sex was.
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Mick Harper
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Leicester 4 Aston Villa 0

Did you see? Grealish had heeded my advice and put some Brylcreem on. I doubt he got it directly from me -- one would think he is functionally illiterate -- but Tyrone Mings is a mutual friend so that was probably the channel. Ironically he didn't need it because it was bucketing down and everyone's hair was plastered down.
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Mick Harper
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Do you know what it is that marks out the best footballers? The ability to trap the ball. The better you can, the faster can be the pass made to you, the less chance the other side can intercept that pass or regroup because of that pass. Or get to you which brings us to the next part of top traps -- don't just kill it, Jimmy Hill it i.e. have the ball exactly where you want to play it next with one fluid movement. Not that Jimmy Hill could, I just couldn't think of a better rhyme. Gordon Hill. Neville, Phil. Crosby, Nash and Still. I'm open to offers.
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Chad


In: Ramsbottom
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Don't just trap it... Christmas-wrap it.
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Mick Harper
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I see the train of your thought but it lacks a footballing connection. Better though than Hatty's 'Don't just trap it, cheese and onion bap it'.
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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Crap and arse.
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Chad


In: Ramsbottom
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Ighalo... Who’d a’ thowt it?
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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The panel have gone for Wiley's enigmatic offering. I hope, Chad, you have not ruined my morning dance session. I was saving them all up in case of a fallow period because of you-know-what.

However, here's some good news: next week Netflix are bringing out a drama based around the codification of football in the nineteenth century. The bad news is it's by Julian Fellowes. The good news is that he was a long time midfield enforcer for London Equity in their endless internecine matches with NATTKE (National Association of Theatrical, Television and Kine Employees for those of you who don't their Kine from their J-cut).
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