The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

You are correct statistically, Wiley, but you must have noticed that this not how strikers behave in the real world. For a start, strikers too suffer from AE: they get kudos for scoring. If it rebounds out to another player who scores, his colleague gets the kudos, he is merely criticised for aiming too near the goalie. As I cannot emphasise enough, football is not a team game. The upshot is that the striker just crashes it towards the goal and hopes for the best.

The goalie is not overcompensating, he is doing what is in his best interests by standing too close to the near post. It is noticeable that when a striker does pass it into the far corner, it always seems simplicity itself and you are left wondering why everyone doesn't do it. The answer is that if he misses (which he will do most of the time even though it is the best overall strategy) he will be slaughtered for wasting a golden opportunity. If he crashes it into the goalie it will be described as "and De Gea made himself big there" and other descriptions of completely routine goalkeeperly duties.

Do I have to remind you I once had a trial in goal for Lewisham primary schools? I am the only extant Applied Epistemologist that has had practical experience in this area. Hattie's lacrosse exploits notwithstanding.

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Mick Harper]

I think you are overestimating all four.

[Wile E. Coyote]

Yep, but you have to hang it on something.

[Mick Harper]

City 1 United 2

The weirdest thing about this was the 5-1 you could get on United. They are absurd odds when third is paying sixth at any time but when it's a derby? By the way, I still think City are the best team in the land. Never judge by results, remember.

[Mick Harper]

Honest, I thought the odds were crazy yesterday but, checking with the Guardian, United started out at 10-1!

[Mick Harper]

Are Watford part of London's fashionable elite? Being on the Metropolitan Line says 'yes', but playing the Z-Cars theme when the team runs out means you're ineluctably part of the northern powerhouse. Just hand over your money like good little people.

[Mick Harper]

There is talk of Arteta for Arsenal. One fervently prays not. When are these idiots going to understand that you never appoint a) an old boy and b) someone who hasn't managed a biggish club (in his case any-sized club). Getting the assistant to Guardiola is like asking the anaesthetist to do the brain surgery. It's not enough watching how it's done. There had better be some good reason why they haven't gone on bended knee to Massimiliano Allegri. I may have to go back to my first love, Leicester City.

[Mick Harper]

Addy Lookman, another little star plucked off the mean streets of South London by the Charlton Academy machine. Then England Under-19's, England Under 21's, and off to finishing school in Leipzig. Now what? He's only talking about playing for Nigeria. Do you know where Nigeria is, old son? Africa. That's right, Africa. I dunno who puts these ideas in their heads. Maybe it's the Germans running a bit scared after Sancho but it's most likely just a case of the grass being greener. We're all incurable romantics down the Rye.

[Mick Harper]

I was quite proud of myself this week. My New England Patriots were accused of cheating -- surreptitiously filming their next opponent's play signals. All the pundits sprang to their defence, believing the angry denials of their coach, Bill Belichick. I had not the slightest difficulty concluding they were bang at it.

[Mick Harper]

I was just about to drop Harry Kane when I discovered he supports the New England Patriots.

[Mick Harper]

I always think of Graeme Souness as the father I always wanted. Does anyone else feel this?

[Chad]

No... I think I would prefer Satan.

[Mick Harper]

That's a bit extreme of course but you agree with me that having a pipe-and-slippers dad is no sort of role model, and not much fun either. You want a hard case that's mellow with it. And a genius. Now for a mother, what I'm looking for is ... does anyone remember Biffa Bacon's mum out of Viz? She smokes a pipe.

[Chad]