The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Wile E. Coyote]

Ray Illingworth captained us to success in the 70-71 Ashes series. Not only did we win, away from home, but Illingworth, Snow and Boycott did it without one Australian being given out LBW, err.....in the entire series.

[Mick Harper]

Snow was a giant but Illingworth makes my point. He wasn't worth his place as an offie, he could do no more than keep an end up with his batting, and he kept his hands in his pockets while fielding. But he was an ace capo. Even Boycott was frightened of him.

[Boreades]

[Mick Harper]

This chap just called up to the England squad, Tyrone Mings ("Mings of Chippenham" as he is pleased to call himself) runs two 'kids academies', one in Bristol, one in Birmingham. Charges six pounds a sesh! Where's a seven-year-old gonna get that kind of money, Tyrone? Yes, all right, I accept you subsidise it all out of your Villa wages but I know your sort. You'll have 'em sweeping chimneys in no time.

Full story here: https://www.theguardian.com/football/2019/sep/13/tyrone-mings-everything-with-academy-my-idea

[Mick Harper]

Statistic of the Week

Fiji, Samoa and Tonga provide nearly one fifth of the world's professional rugby players.

[Mick Harper]

Have a look at the first ten seconds of the Man Utd vs Leicester game. Rashford stands off Schmeichel because that's what he would do if Schmeichel were an outfield player. No, Marcus, don't stop, just tear into him. Believe me, Schmeichel will panic. Maybe only a little bit and maybe you'll look a fool as he sidesteps you or passes smoothly to a defender but, believe me, inside he's panicking. And that's a good thing. He'll remember it for the rest of the game. If you give him a little nudge after the ball has gone every goalkeeper will remember it for the rest of your career and be suitably afeared. They don't like it up 'em at their feet. All for the price of a yellow card.

PS I am arrowing in on the identity of my mystery spellchecker. He or she is Jewish and doesn't like Anglo-Danish goalkeepers: Schmeichel = schlemiel.

[Mick Harper]

Carrow Road goes mental when they win a corner off Manchester City. Then they score from the corner and the crowd have nowhere to go. Country people, no sense of proportion. They probably thought winning the coin toss was worth a point. But we love 'em all the same. Even so, don't hang around too long, tractorboys.

[Mick Harper]

With Arsenal the last man standing and Charlton roaring away in the Championship, I may have a tough decision to make. First love, second love or third love? Or be true to my AE roots and have no love.

[Mick Harper]

How come Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard couldn't work it out all those years when they were the England engine room but are now both brill managers? One word: egoism. It leaves you as you get older.

[Mick Harper]

The importance of the onfield captain was illustrated in Watford vs Arsenal. Going 2-0 up meant job done, close the game down but, no, the fancy dans had to carry on playing it out from the back in pursuit of 4-0 and ended up 2-2. Tony Adams would have just said, "Hoof it, lads" in a slightly slurred accent and we'd have run out 2-1 winners. Well 1-0, but you see what I mean.

[Mick Harper]

Aston Villa 0 West Ham 0

Our man Mings bestrode the field like a colossus. Though only his mum was still watching at the end. Come on, you clarets.

[Mick Harper]

Early Euro-Notes

1. Barcelona are sixteen to one on to qualify from a group that also contains Inter-Milan and Borussia Dortmund. Well, would you say it would take them sixteen years to come third out of that three? I'm putting a pony on it being this year.
2. After a hundred and fifty years of professional football somebody --Koulibaly, Naples -- decided to 'shoulder' the ball i.e. use the tip of the shoulder (does it have a name?) to flick the ball on. Koulibaly is left-shouldered by the way.
3. Even though the Euro-champs are in town and it's their most vital game since the Maradona era, Naples still can't fill their stadium.
4. Or mow their pitch properly. The Comorra, a local family, have always had the contract so I'm writing a sharp letter of complaint to UEFA about putting it out to tender in future. I've signed your name, Borry, since you're our agricultural expert.

[Mick Harper]

The Nigerians want Tammy Abrahams, do they? They might need reminding it's dangerous tangling with the Home of Football

Ga-Fante War (1811)
First Ashanti War (1823–1831)
Second Ashanti War (1863–1864)
Third Ashanti War (1873–1874)

On second thoughts, looking at that lot, it seems even more dangerous tangling with them so maybe let him go. He's from the Elephant & Castle but it's the Ivory Coast that are Les Éléphants. Not that he would know the difference. One steamy swamp is much like another in the African Cup of Nations when viewed from the Old Kent Road. He was overrated anyway. I'm glad he's gone, to be honest.

[Mick Harper]

Are Liverpool becoming too Liverpudlian? They've become a team of whiny little sly-boots who are convinced the ref's got something against them. They'll be nicking stuff from the hotel shop next. That was Bobby Moore but you know what I mean.

[Boreades]