The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

Bob Willis predicts England will bat out the day given the easy-paced Edgbaston pitch. Bob, I love you like a brother, but it will be all over by lunchtime. You are paid to lie for your country but keep it real.

Later: He's put me in an impossible position. Now I'm hoping for an England collapse. I hate him like a brother.

[Mick Harper]

Interesting American sidelight on Rooney. He was, apparently, a huge success for the Washington DC franchise, and despite him having two years left on his contract, he goes with their best wishes. In fact it's a great tribute to Washington that they've brought his career sufficiently back on track so he can play in the British league, the best in the world.

[Mick Harper]

Ajax were the best team in the competition last season so naturally they have to get through the qualifying rounds. Let's hope for our sakes, they don't.

[Mick Harper]

Battening down for Deadline Day. All over by 5 pm this year -- rather than the traditional 11 pm -- which I don't agree with. OK for your casuals but those of us who've been in training all summer need a solid workout before the season starts. Also breaking with tradition are Manchester United who haven't trusted Solskjaer with the usual bumper bundle. Maguire in, Lukaku out. Solskjaer out. But there are still four hours/months to go. Arsenal are the big winners so far which should seal sixth spot.

[Mick Harper]

Have you noticed how handsome Virgil van Dijk is? Which reminds me: welcome David Luiz, the answer to a maiden's prayer.

[Mick Harper]

Always Judge By Results Dept

Which club has done best relative to its resources over the last seven seasons? Watford
Which club has changed its manager in every one of the last seven seasons? Watford
Which club just changed this policy and lost three nil at home to the world's worst Premier League side?

PS This new Brighton manager sounds ghastly. Is anywhere safe from liberals?

[Mick Harper]

Sheffield United? Sheffield United? Where do they find these teams? Get back to wherever it is you come from.

[Mick Harper]

American football is in a tizzy at the moment about helmets. Their design, not whether to wear them or not. Rather like the gun laws because, as you and me know, it's the helmets that are the problem not the design. The soppy old Yanks, having discovered that helmets are excellent for one-off trauma situations like building sites and World War Two, haven't discovered they are a dangerous absurdity in a repetitive, non-trauma situation like playing American football. (But not like batting in either baseball or cricket.)

They have discovered that their ex-footballers have chronic brain conditions just like we discovered our ex-footballers got the same from repetitive heading of (we hope, old) footballs. But even if it were shown that helmets are a contributory cause, they are too identificatory to be dispensable. Just as a no-heading rule would finish soccer. After all, it's becoming mandatory at the lower age groups and nobody wants to be identified with kids.

"Ref! Ref! Headball! Inside the area!"

[Mick Harper]

PS There is speculation that the headguards worn by amateur boxers for safety reasons are quite the reverse. It may even be that gloves are more dangerous than bare knuckle. Though I just found out they were first introduced to protect the knuckles!

[Mick Harper]

Wow! The word 'relegation' has been mentioned on an American sports show for the first time. Everything there is 'the majors', and once you're in, you're in forever. We do the same in cricket so it is ironic that the mention involved baseball which is graded professionally into Major Leagues, Triple A, double A and then single A. All of them professional to some extent but none of them are subject to promotion and relegation. As one of the panellists put it, "I wanna see Memphis in." And most people want to see, say, the Florida Marlins out. You can shift franchises -- like they did the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Giants to LA and SF respectively to mirror population shifts -- but you can't otherwise reward success and punish mediocrity. They just don't understand competitive capitalism in America.

[Mick Harper]

In the good old days, all seventeen teams in the County Championship (Durham were added only the other day) played everybody else home and away – that’s thirty-two matches. Is that a lot or a little, given each match lasted three days, getting round the country was hard work and summer (and fast bowlers) only last so long? It’s a little. American major league baseball teams play 152 matches. Plus a whole bunch more if they make the play-offs.

[Mick Harper]

Man City 2 Spurs 2

As you know, we always ignore results. This was embarrassing -- thirty attempts on goal to three. Now if it's down to City being so good we're all in trouble (except top of the table Arsenal) but on the evidence paraded before us it's down to Spurs being bad. The problem? Pochettino thinks he ought to be at Real Madrid and can't stand this Mickey Mouse stuff. (Ditto Eriksen) This is all being subtly transmitted to the players who are playing like Mickey Mice. It's hard to sack a manager for being too good but Chairman Lev will have to start thinking about it. PS He's not charging me for this advice.

[Wile E. Coyote]

The joy of test cricket is that it is both slow and subtle, measured and deliberate, which gently draws out the characters of each player and the rival captains.

Unless you bring in Jofra Archer to hurl it down at 96 MPH.

[Mick Harper]

Yes, him and the concussion protocols should have the Aussies down to about six men on the field by the middle of the fourth test which should put us in with a shout.

On an unrelated subject -- Archer never goes anywhere near the stumps -- if the ball is pitching outside leg, and hitting the bat and is missing the wicket, you should lose three reviews, shouldn't you? Four if the bowler overstepped. On the other hand, if you appeal, get turned down, don't review it but VAR shows it was out after all then you should at least get given an extra review. After all you've legitimately taken a wicket with nothing to show for it. Perhaps the umpire should lose a review or something.

Since the reviews are far and away the most exciting part of the game, test match cricket should be increasingly played out in virtual reality. Eleven software engineers against eleven. Then we will be in with a shout because they don't have computers in Australia.

[Mick Harper]

Football Gossip from the BBC Website

How do you go from being the Premier League’s best player to out on loan but only if you edge out your former understrapper?