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CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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You talking to me, John? I was referring to his plea to be booted off the site but the moment has passed. He'll have to seek his cold turkeys elsewhere. An important question you (have both) raised. At present I can only think of 'icon' but that is not quite the same thing. Roget gives the antonym as "plain speech" so it's definitely up our street.

Do you see how I avoided using the word trope as per instructions?
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Mick Harper
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Tesco Sweet Chilli Chicken Stir Fry Kit

Delicious. I had no idea I was such a good cook.
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Mick Harper
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So you're printing a doc and the ink runs out. You order a new cartridge from Argos. They say they can't deliver for two hours. It's like living in the Middle Ages.
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Mick Harper
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Some good news. At last. Nescafe have agreed to sponsor us. It turned out that our strict rules about multinationals only applied to American multinationals not Swiss ones. While I have your attention, I'd like to talk to those of you that have Dolce Gusto coffee machines. What am I saying? You've all got Dolce Gusto machines, the best on the market for price vis a vis caffeine infusion. That's not me talking, that's Good Housekeeping, Which? and Intellectuals' Weekly talking.

Anyway the point is many of you, like me, mainline on Americano and thought that Americano Intenso and Americano Bold Morning were just for special occasions. Not so! Those of you who can handle the day long wiredness and the day long spouting of gibberish should put all three together in the same cup. You'll probably need a mug.
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Grant



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Delicious. I had no idea I was such a good cook.


Had a dinner party (is it still called that?) at the weekend. Moroccan theme so we laboriously made a chicken tagine, but as that wasn't enough for eight we also served meatballs in a Moroccan sauce. Sauce was from Ocado.

You can guess what happened. They wolfed down the delicious meatballs and hardly touched my tagine.

Does this mean that a) fancy food is wasted on my friends? or b) home cooking is a waste of time?
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Mick Harper
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No, I've noticed the same phenomenon. But without the dinner parties. The mass produced rubbish is so good that you actually do have to be a good cook to beat it. However, you still did the right thing. Who gives a monkeys about the food at dinner parties? Ambience is all and that means people sweating their ollocks off. Obviously that's celebrity chefs round here but for you it's DIY, I'm afraid. God, I wish I didn't make the rules.
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Mick Harper
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Smoked salmon paté. But hurry, now the word's out the shelves will soon be emptied.
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Mick Harper
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And speaking of Waitrose, here's a depressing comment re their house mag

It's twee & self-congratulatory. It must cost an absolute fortune to run with all those 'celeb' writers. Why do they spend so much money on Philip Schofield, Clare Balding, Pippa Middleton, Marina Hyde etc?

What do you mean 'Marina Hyde etc'? Don't you know she's the greatest writer of our generation? I don't consider myself a writer in that sense.
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Mick Harper
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I don't need any advice on Pot Noodle. Bleugh! (Eventually.) But this upmarket Japanese Soba instant noodles (Classic, Sukiyaki Beef etc) is a whole new world of convenient succulence. Before I switch over completely to three Soba meals a day I need to know whether there are addiction problems and the possibility of a complete breakdown in day to day motor skills.

I hope that's the outcome but I'd like to hear from any of you with adverse experiences.
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Mick Harper
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Orbituary Stan Lee

I went to a Stan Lee lecture at the ICA in about 1970. Along with every other member of the audience, I was attending ironically since none of us would be seen dead reading one of his products. Nevertheless we were all beguiled by someone who seemed even then rather elderly. Partly because he made no bones about it all being a bit fin de siècle -- comics were pretty much on their last legs at the time. Little did we know it was him and not us that was to inherit the earth.
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Mick Harper
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Who says they lack a sense of humour?

German soldiers in Normandy 1944 warning new recruits: "If you see silver planes, they're American; if you see khaki planes, they're British; if you can't see any planes, they're German."
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Mick Harper
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My Glastonbury YouTube got a new comment

Øystein Nystad 2 weeks ago

Which puts the lie to those people who say I'm obsessive about my reviews. But anyway our Scandinavian friend was brief and very much to the point

Kjedelig

A word that, according to my electronic translator, can have a variety of meanings in English: 'boring, dull, long-winded, mundane, tedious'. Well, Mr Nystad, which is it?
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Mick Harper
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Whenever I am cracking eggs I always break the yolk, unless I'm making scrambled eggs. I put it down to nerves.
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Mick Harper
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This Week's Guardian Book Recommendations

Marguerite de Navarre The Heptameron 1558

..in near emulation of Boccaccio's Decameron ...with stories ranging from lessons in morality to ribaldry

Sounds more Rabelasian than Boccaccian to me, but anyway who was this Marguerite de Navarre when she was at home?

a patron of the writer Francois Rabelais.
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Mick Harper
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For those of you looking for a way out but can't afford Switzerland, here's a suggestion from Count Polocki

Believing himself to be a werewolf, he took his own life with a silver bullet, modelled on the knob of his favourite sugar bowl.
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