CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

I am nothing if not multimedia so for those of you interested (yes, I can see you) my YouTubes are faring thusly

Distribution of Deserts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=5uNQIMcKNTM

450 views May 28, 2020 17 thumbs up, no thumbs down

Comments
HelenKellr 2 years ago
Suprised google hasn't deleted this or put a link to the wikipedia article. Great stuff, very intuitive

Stevanavich Dudee 2 years ago
Pretty interesting theory. Quite convincing.

Von Rho 2 years ago
Professor Harper should write a summary of his theory to New Concepts in Global Tectonics magazine.

Colin Hopkins 2 years ago
Very interesting

A New Model of the Solar System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPWH9xh_Jy0

63 views 7 months ago no thumbs up, no thumbs down

Comment
nick weech 5 months ago
Applied Epistemology demonstated without any fuss. Looking fwds to the next one Mick

Megalithc Empire
https://www.youtube.co/watch?v=IJ_S6zkh_PY

49,000 views 499 thumbs up, no down

88 comments
Most recent

alex The fan 6 days ago
Terrible public speaker
Incredibly boaring

hawklord100 12 days ago
After seeing the Chinese take rocky atolls or tiny islands and dreging and bringing multiple tones of soil to pile up on them to make those rocks liveable, you could see the ancients doing something similar on certain rocky atolls. And you can keep foreigners off the Sacred lands by making them trade at these manmade islands. Ley lines are actually alignments which are straight lines of energy, rather than Dragon lines (michael and mary dragon lines) Drgaon lines are serpent in nature and flow like energy rivers, backwards and forwards

SOUTH SIDE OF SUNSET 4 months ago
st michael, with his spear/sword flashing in a straight line over the dragons head....oh yes! its there all right

[Mick Harper]

It's that time in the cycle of life when your Argos Sodastream canisters need replacing. This is, they say, the third worst thing after divorce and moving house. I wouldn't know, I live with my first love in the ancestral pile. Yes, it's a fairly open marriage but that's not important right now.

First of all you have to get through to check availability, which takes an eternity because staff are always busy, please try later. But eventually you will discover variously:
"Of course we do, it's completely standard, there's no need to check" in order to avoid
"Sorry, no, you should have checked first" unless it's
"Doris, do we stock Sodastream canisters? No, nor me. Yes, but he's on his lunch break. Could you call back later, caller?"

But when you do get through and when you are assured they have lots, you must listen carefully to the tone of voice in case he says that to all callers about everything. Taking empty CO2 canisters to Sainsbury Argos stores and returning with empty CO2 canisters from Sainsbury Argos stores takes its toll. In terms of morale, not just physically.

Now I need to advise you on how to acquire a pound coin for the trolley in a cashless society. Tip number one: don't live in a cashless society.

[Mick Harper]

Sometimes I'm frightened by my own powers of precognition. Having spent all morning trying to get through I was obliged to load up my four canisters -- I use a converted Mexican bandolier -- and headed out for Sainsburyville. I couldn't get on the first bus. "Can't you read? 'No Mexican bandoliers'," but eventually I reached the Argos cubby hole. I only put one canister on the counter -- putting more than that is a rookie mistake -- but he wasn't fazed.

"Nah, sorry, we've not had a delivery for ages. You'll have to come back... er... another time."
"I did try to ring."
"We've been very busy." I looked around. "Earlier."
Then I pulled my masterstroke. I started crying.
"There, there. Tell you what, it's more than my job's worth but giss 'em here and I'll give you a forty pound credit note. I'm ringing the depot right now. You can pick up 'em up any time tomorrow."

I kissed him on both cheeks à la Rishi Sunak in Paris, which he didn't like but he appreciated the gesture. And here's the clincher. I now had an empty wheelie bag and the whole of Sainsbury's lay before me. My wheelie bag runneth over.

And the same tomorrow!

[Mick Harper]

I made an important discovery yesterday. Few people know it but I hate (a) shopping and (b) going out [and (c) people] which is why I (a) only go out once a week to (b) the nearest (mini)Tesco. This reduces me to a permanent gibbering wreck as I spend all week making inventories of eat-by dates, cooking around not having essentials and generally making myself thoroughly miserable. I even had to start baking my own bread. No wonder I'm such a failure both in the book-writing department and in the TV digibox control department. But now came the breakthrough

[Mick Harper]

If you are using an exercise regime of ten step-ups off one foot and then ten step-ups off the other, how come it gets harder and harder, not easier and easier? Were the Laws of Entropy suspended when God was handing out my calf muscles? But cheers for the extra brain muscles, your allmightyness, so no thunderbolts. Honestly, These People.

[Mick Harper]

Your NHS (Part Three)

"I've come for my blood tests."
"Name?"
"Harper."

Now came the first signs of panic as her eyes failed to find anything of that nature and she violently attacked keys, switched screens, glanced over at another computer etc etc and temporised. "Date of Birth/NHS number/mother's maiden name etc. etc" We both knew I was about to get the "I'm sorry we have no record of your appointment. Would you like me to make you a new one?" (smile) treatment.

Except I'm a pretty old hand at this game and smoothly slid across a card saying 1400 hours 13/03/23, carefully kept in reserve for this critical moment. She blanched and returned to attacking her screens. Finally, "Yes, the gentleman who was doing the blood tests rang in sick today. We did try and contact you on your mobile."

This was interesting. Clearly 'your mobile' is now the black hole of choice down which anything can disappear without trace. I knew they didn't have my mobile number though obviously I didn't mention this, she had to be kept onside at all costs. It's no use technically winning the battle if it means you've lost the war and will have to come back another time.

"Perhaps you should have tried my landline."
"Oh, we did. (Pause.) Twice."
"Really, I was in all morning. What time was that?"
No pause. "Eight o'clock." Pretty good going to reach the afternoon appointments when the geezer's only just phoned in.
"That's strange, I was sitting at my desk next to the phone then. And the second time?"
But she knew she was beaten. "I could try and fit you in."
I gave her my my fiercest Michael Caine glare and my widest Kathy Kirby smile. "Let's hope it's not too long. (Pause.) At my age. (Chuckle.)"

I was seen at two minutes past two and outta there at two-o-five.

[Mick Harper]

Some of you -- no, all of you -- will remember that the French had found it impossible to deliver a book of mine to the Bibliothèque nationale in Paris. So it was returned to Amazon and I heard no more about it. (I reordered and it was delivered with no alarums the following week.) Until today, a coupla months later. I have received two letters from my bank informing me in extraordinary detail e.g.

[Mick Harper]

The Michael Cain Ten-Step Recipe for Success

1. Get summoned to do screen test for the cockney sergeant in Zulu
2. Turn up for screen test
3. Before it starts be told the part has already gone to Tony Booth
4. Get asked to come back next week to try out for the posh officer in Zulu
5. Do worst screen test in living memory
6. Be told by producer you did worst screen test in living memory
7. Meet producer in drinking club
8. Be told you got part of posh officer
9. Thank producer
10. Vomit all over shoes.

[Mick Harper]

After a lifetime as a small-time publisher, the one thing I never thought I'd ever need to buy again would be padded envelopes and labels. But, forced to send something to somewhere Amazon doesn't like sending things to (they are surprisingly capricious, not for political reasons but for reasons to do with variable VAT or something, who the feck* knows) I had to dig one of each out. You guessed it, I had no idea where I'd stashed them.

But here's the good news. I found boxes of stuff I never knew I had consisting of books and DVD's I haven't sold over the years. It was good to be reminded of this. I've been getting a bit overweening lately.

* For two hours every day I watch Professional Football Talk Live on the Sky American Football Channel (yes, they do have one). Sky is driven mad because, out of season, it's the only worthwhile American football programme they have and the frontmen keep saying arse and shit and other words the TV Watchdogs forbid use of before some witching hour or other. Sky have to tape delay it (it doesn't bother us, our whole country is on tape-delay) so they can watch it themselves and bleep out all the arses and shits. And there's only three of them running the whole 57-channel operation to start with. 'Fuck' of course would get all fifty-seven channels closed down before the last witch had taken off but the PFT Live people have discovered feck is all right so they put it into every sentence with great relish. Yes, it's childish but the children must be protected.

[Mick Harper]

So, returning from the post office (I found the stationery sundries box eventually, somebody had put it in an unfeasibly obscure place) I take up station behind a gigantic skinhead, bovver boots, the lot. He was eating a tangerine and throwing the peel away with every other step. "Oy," I said (Received English: 'Hello'), "you're dropping your peel." I omitted the traditional 'mush' on grounds that it may by now be an archaicism. There was the merest flicker of hesitancy in his stride but he walked on without demur.

What permitted this foolhardiness on my part? He was wearing shorts and a backpack so I knew I was completely safe. What I contributed to Keep Britain Tidy is for others to judge. I do not however recommend this general approach. These things can change in a trice, you have to be completely up to speed with who, wearing what, where, when and why. A point I made to Michael Caine, if you recall, re teddy boys.

[Mick Harper]

Great news about our pension pots being increased by the Chancellor. I didn't even know I had one!

[Mick Harper]

Breakthrough from the Smithsonian

[Mick Harper]

Whoops

This exceptionally interesting article popped up on medium.com

[Mick Harper]

No member of the AEL may use TikTok as from midnight tonight. We monitor all devices in your home so we'll know if you have to ask a young person what TikTok is.

[Mick Harper]

Instead you should be watching this https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCttMYYSxxovqQXw36AWi3xA

A noble enterprise set up by the son of one of our leading luminaries. "He's a chip off the old block," she told me. "I think he's a bit better than that," I said. But anyway there are lessons here for those of you having difficulty bringing your work to a wider audience. Or indeed any audience.

A hundred thousand views forsooth.