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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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Mice Behaving Badly
Mine was so I googled "How to clean your mouse" and was told to remove the bottom and clean the wheel. This is all very well except mine didn't have a bottom and didn't seem to have a wheel. It took me quite a long time to work out it was an 'optical mouse' and required sitting through yet another long-winded video. More a case of Google behaving badly if you want my opinion. Still I'm pretty much an expert now on the general subject if any of you need advice. Make sure you have a Q-tip handy though, they're important. And at least two types of cleaning fluid you won't have heard of.
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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I find that my Optical Mice don't do anything about their own dirty feet. No matter how many times I tell them to wipe their feet on the mouse mat, they still get gunked-up with sticky grime that needs scraping-off on a regular basis.
That deals with the effects.
Cleaning the table more frequently helps deal with the causes.
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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It's good to see that an Oxbridge education still produces the next generation of our intellectual elite.
Students at the University of Oxford have voted to ‘replace clapping’ with a silent wave because it ‘could trigger anxiety’. They are instead being told to use ‘jazz hands’, where they wave their hands in the air.
The motion to ‘mandate the encouragement of silent clapping’ was successfully passed by the university’s student union officers, following their first meeting of the year on Tuesday. Jazz hands is the British Sign Language expression for applause and is considered a more inclusive gesture |
(Oxford Metro, Thursday 24 Oct 2019)
M'Lady Boreades approves of this. A silent wave is appropriate for recognition of friends and colleagues in a public place. Clapping hands is now reserved for summoning the Filipino maid.
How soon will this be adopted by Premier League football teams eager to reduce anxiety among their fans?
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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The phrase 'successfully passed' is usually a signal that there was opposition. Those people will find themselves no-platformed at the second meeting of the year. Interesting though that detail about proceedings now being conducted in sign language to encourage inclusivity. This will surely be extended to lectures and will require somebody at the side speaking aloud the words to 'include' hearing people.
These are fascinating developments and may mean we shall have to review our 'abolish the universities' campaign. With music hall all but dead there is an ongoing need for popular entertainment.
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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Coupla equal-but-opposite food stories for you today. Examine this picture carefully and see if you find anything strange about it
It seems natural enough but beef (like pork) never appears in Indian cuisine for obvious cross-community reasons. Not our community of course so there is no reason why we shouldn't have beef Indian food, it's just we never have. Nor pork neither. Until this (in my experience anyway). Not surprisingly it was absolute rubbish -- the beef was in the wrong amounts, in the wrong chunk size and and the whole thing tasted ... weird. Still, it's presumably the way to go. Let's hear it for Pork Jalfrezi.
Yesterday I waltzed off to some vegetarian friends and got given a bowl of something or other to eat. Returning late at night I am not only famished but craving meat so I pop into the 24-hour to get a hunk of Polish sausage, the most accessible meat source I can imagine, short of the kebab shop. Can't find it. Not in its usual place, not in any unusual places. In fact as I scan the cold shelves I realise there is no sausage of any description except sliced turkey salami. I'm not that hungry. I enquire, to be told, "We aren't selling pork products any longer." It's his right of course but harsh on the rest of us. Surprising too, first I've encountered this though it must be common enough.
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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No sausages?
That's harsh, especially as it's UK Sausage Week (from 28th Oct to 3rd Nov 2019)
Or maybe that's the cause of the problem?
Or it's the Chinese buying up the world's supply of pork.
Or he was telling you porkies.
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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I did not say there were no sausages, just no sausage. I haven't looked in this case but no minimart can get away with stocking no sausages, such a staple they would lose serious custom. But a package of sausages is just that -- it has no in-your-face meat, never mind what kind of meat. But cold meats, now that's a different matter. Not only are they highly discretionary but they are laid out for all (including I suppose Allah) to see. I am always glad to see immigrant communities having the self assurance to do their own thing even though I scowl along with everybody else whenever they do.
I noticed all this in Turkey where religion and commerce made pretty hopeless bedfellows. Pork was legal but had to be sought out -- and was rubbish when you found it. Meanwhile I was being served up all kinds of pork substitutes without being informed and they were rubbish too. But, and this is the weird bit, I go into raptures eating Turkish food in London and yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the same in Turkey. And that was for ordinary kebab. Nor have I ever had an explanation for this state of affairs.
Turkey, by the way, did not have the self assurance to do its own thing and I am scowling fiercely as they overcompensate via their foreign policy. So, so Levantine. And I suppose us shortly. One hopes for a Singapore-style free-for-all English-style but we'll get Victorian prissiness. I'm emigrating to Ulster where a man can still be a slimeball.
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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Mouse AOK.
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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An odd experience yesterday. A friend of mine had died suddenly and as is the way nowadays – though it was the first I had attended – there was a ‘celebration of his life’. Several hundred people listening to cheerfully upbeat accounts read in monotones by people more used to writing official papers, interspersed with songs, photo montages and filmage. It sounds dull, and mainly it was, but never boring. I had offered to do a quiz on the Great Man’s life and been given the spot before the interval.
Since this would be only my second time addressing a hall full of people, I was in a mild anxiety state. I had gone to some pains to put something together but as the first half unwound I was alarmed at having to dispense with many of the questions because others had covered the same ground. Other questions had to be hastily amended as the nature and expectations of the audience became clear. Then just as I was going on stage I was told everything was running overtime and would I cut it short further.
I was, as you might imagine, in a rubbery-leg situation by the time I launched into my spiel but, as with weddings, everybody was ready to laugh at the feeblest witticism so it all went down with great good humour including when, for reasons I need not go into, I was reduced to spinning rice cakes, frisbee-style, into the audience. After five or ten minutes of this, followed by some boisterous but essentially dutiful applause, I staggered outside for a fag and some deep breathing. I won’t be doing that again in a hurry, I said to myself sternly, before slipping back in for the second half.
But now came the unexpected bit. “I don’t know your name but I felt I had to come over and shake your hand.†“Are you a professional performer?†“I have never laughed so much, thank you so much.†And variants thereof multiple times. Even my friends, who take great delight in telling me that while they love me dearly I’m a talentless schmuck with ideas above my station, were saying things like, “Why can’t you be that funny when you’re with us?â€
So there you have it. I’m a superstar and I didn’t even know it.
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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| Mick Harper wrote: | | Even my friends ..were saying things like, “Why can’t you be that funny when you’re with us?†|
Panic (or alarm) can sometimes be mistaken for inspiration (or perspiration).
Perhaps they'd been on the sherry and it dulled the sharpness of their wits? If they want a repeat performance, maybe they need a sweepstake for another one of them to die suddenly. Or just let nature take its course (as it does) with an aging group. There will soon be an opportunity for a repeat performance.
Trouble is, you'll start getting used to the situation, and it will lack that spontaneity. The audience (those still there) will notice and review you accordingly.
| Smaller audience than last time |
| Not as funny as his appearance at Glastonbury | |
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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| it will lack that spontaneity |
It entirely lacked spontaneity the first time. Though it looked spontaneous. It will lack spontaneity the next time though it will look spontaneous because the next time it will be equally original. But speaking of Glastonbury, it was noticeable that speakers could be divided into two types: those who were saying it for the first time and weren't very good and those who were saying it for the nth time and were (at least to me and Hatty) not very good. The two exceptions were myself and a wayward Scottish academic.
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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Clearly we should be told more. About the wayward Scottish academic. Who was this mysterious person?
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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| Mick Harper wrote: | | the next time it will be equally original |
Like Trigger's broom?
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Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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With the days drawing in, we must turn to crumpets. It won't be news to any of you that Warburton's, while expensive, are the only crumpet in town. To disguise just how expensive they've gone over to a nine-pack, the first time this has been attempted, in this country anyway. Now crumpets have to be eaten in two's and that is why your toaster has two slots (don't be ashamed, many people have never made the connection) and, Borry will correct me if I'm wrong, two doesn't go into nine without leaving a remainder. So, Warburton's, unless the vicar comes round in the very near future, I shall soon be comprehensively jiggered. Do not burden me with palliative suggestions, just stop doing it.
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Boreades
In: finity and beyond
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