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CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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Mick Harper wrote:

3. As I was making my judicious selection -- a friend has put me on to Ultra-Quilt --


This is real science, none of your linguistics bollox. Real blind tests have been undertaken, the bottom line is that Ultra Quilt is by far the best, well that is unless you want to be eco conscious when you dump, then you really need to consider going for Cheeky Panda, as bamboo is re-cyclable.
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Mick Harper
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We're thinking of opening a new thread for all things toilet paper, Wiley, so keep your powder dry for the moment. We may include washing up liquidry as well to cater for the old folk. Discussions are ongoing.
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Mick Harper
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I got Hattied by someone on medium.com! I thought it would be a feather in my cap but I feel rather unsettled. I'm not as tough as old boots like some Hatties I could mention. It seemed such a trivial offence I felt as if I had been hanged for a lamb not a sheep. I can't exactly reproduce what happened but broadly this:

Lists are huge on medium and I'm quite partial to them myself (and AE has a lot to say about them too). So when I saw Three Sci-Fi Films You Dare Not Miss or somesuch, I started reading. It was OK, I can't remember what they were, but I did think it was the first time I had encountered a list of three on medium. When I noticed the writer was a woman I posted up (something like)

Mick Harper wrote:
The chief difference between men and women is that no man thinks three constitutes a list. Whenever they come across three of anything they immediately say to themselves, "I must make a list." The other chief differences between men and women are the following:

Not quite as good in retrospect as when I posted it up but not so bad I needed tarring and feathering.
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Mick Harper
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My new fridge can be opened from either direction by a simple (it says so over three pages of directions) procedure. I am not pleased with this. It is adding to my burdens that each time I open it I ask myself, 'Would I prefer to be doing this the other way?' Obviously I'm not going to go through 'the procedure' just to find out, but pari passu I'd rather not have to think about it.
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Mick Harper
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My old fridge had a tiny fresh veg compartment which was always filled with potatoes, hence no fresh veg. for poor old Mick. My new fridge has an enormous fresh veg compartment so was it 'Happy days are here again'? No. In my fridge instruction manual it says, "Do not put potatoes in fresh veg compartment." No ifs, no buts. So I didn't. Last night I got my potatoes out of my new non-refrigerated potato box (on top of the microwave if you want to know) only to find they have started sprouting. I had not realised they were living things and it was most off-putting.

So I am standing up to the refrigerator nanny-state and placing them firmly back where they belong. In the fridge's fresh veg compartment.

He's a rebel and he'll never ever be any good
He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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We all love Dairylea. We all hate Laughing Cow. But now it is time to move on together, hand in hand, and eat with the grown-ups

Seriously Vintage Spreadable
Great taste Made with Scottish cheddar
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Mick Harper
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200,000 expected at 50th Anniversary Glastonbury

Why do I find this infinitely depressing? I've been to enough of them in my time to know that music festivals are never actually enjoyable so why are so many, and in increasing numbers, still going to them? The best analogy is medieval pilgrimages. You do it because you're supposed to do it. For some reason that is enjoyable.
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Mick Harper
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Tell me if this works. After this para

The wider Italian situation, as modern archaeologists understand it, is that Italy was firmly pre-historic until the eighth century BC, culminating in what they call the ‘Sub-Apennine period’. Italy enters history with the arrival of the ever-mysterious Etruscans (in an area called to this day Tuscany) and the never-mysterious Greeks in southern Italy (called to this day Magna Graecia, though only by historians). The Hegelian rubbing together of the two produced a city in between that eclipsed them both (called to this day the Eternal City). They were right about that. So far.

M J Harper recently wrote:
The pioneer and chief architect of Italian chronology is Quintino Quagliati who used the discovery of Mycenaean pots to kickstart the process. As Mycenae is dated to the thirteenth century BC this was, like early Lambrettas, not the best of kickstarts. Not to be confused with Sicilian Vespas.
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Mick Harper
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Word of the Week

Among those respected writers and thinkers were Hildegard of Bingen, Abbess Herrad of Landsberg, the women troubadours known as trobairitz, and of course Heloise

After years of casual contact, not only did I not know women troubadours were called trobairitz, I didn't know there were women troubadours.
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Mick Harper
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Sweet Jesus, the days are drawing in already.
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Mick Harper
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My new policy of eschewing serious topics on medium.com for popular culture is bearing fruit. I got fifty claps overnight for this

Ten Movie Quotes which Almost Ruptured my Spleen from Laughter MVW Encyclopedia
https://medium.com/fan-fare/10-movie-quotes-which-almost-ruptured-my-spleen-from-laughter-6c830fe33a64

Mick Harper wrote:
All these are American films requiring an American sensibility to appreciate the one-liners. Except for In Bruges which is British and no-one but an English football fan would find the Tottenham gag funny. Everyone in the world has an American sensibility (thanks to American films) but Americans have no sensibility of anything outside America. Now that is funny.
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Mick Harper
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If we can colonise the moons of Jupiter surely to God we can make oven chips that cook in the oven. If I have to jump up every five minutes and start burning my fingers turning them over one by one I might as well have done with it and get them from the chippy in the first place. Not that they're ever cooked properly even if I follow the instructions religiously. Well, you get bored waiting, don't you?

Come on, potato-growers, pull your fingers out.
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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Mick Harper wrote:
If we can colonise the moons of Jupiter surely to God we can make oven chips that cook in the oven. If I have to jump up every five minutes and start burning my fingers turning them over one by one I might as well have done with it and get them from the chippy in the first place. Not that they're ever cooked properly even if I follow the instructions religiously. Well, you get bored waiting, don't you?

Come on, potato-growers, pull your fingers out.



You can add an additional 20 minutes cooking time over what is stated on the packet on many brands.
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Mick Harper
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I am glad you have told me that. For years I thought it must be my oven. Then I thought it wasn't my oven but I wasn't allowing it to heat up enough. Finally I decided oven chips are meant to be 'like that'. I once forgot about them (by your requisite twenty minutes) and they were fabulous but I was too frightened of living in a world where oven chip manufacturers were in a gigantic worldwide conspiracy to do down their own product ever to try the experiment again.

Nor, in all probability, will I on your say-so. Trust the word of an AE-ist? Not me, bub.
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Grant



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The solution -

https://www.lakeland.co.uk/70166/lakeland-crisp
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