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CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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I have never enjoyed a Stoppard play, finding them interesting then irritating. I've tried several times with the film of Rosencrantz and never got beyond the half-hour mark. A bit like Michael Frayn. A bit like David Hare. A bit like Pinter. A bit like the one with the funny name, actor chappie. I just don't like 'drama'. I always start seeing the playwright behind it. I'm still a fan of them all. The only Stoppard I would like to see but haven't is the Real Inspector Hound, but I'm sure it will be the same.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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I have, in my time, been critical about Royal Mail on account of the grotesque unreliabilty of their deliveries. No longer

Hi Michael Harper
Your parcel from SOP Ltd is due to be delivered:
Today, Wednesday, 7 October 2020*
Between
09:04am and 1:04pm*
A signature is required

Is that up to the minute or what? I can safely do the hoovering at nine a.m.** and be finished in time to hear the bell. Better check what those asterisks are all about though

* Please be aware any time or date shown is not a guarantee.
** With my sister not coming over from America because of Covid restrictions I won't have to do it this year.
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Hatty
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In: Berkshire
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I just learned that Maggie Aderin-Pocock, a worthy successor to the venerable Patrick Moore, is dyslexic. For some reason I thought this makes her even more special.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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That is odd. I would have put it the other way round. If she really is a Patrick Moore-a-like. If she is just a winsome creature plucked by the BBC from the ranks of academic astronomers then dyslexia would make her special.
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Grant



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She must be better than Brian Cox doing his mysteries of the universe schtick. I watched one of his shows the other day and he was talking about Mars. He went to some dusty part of the world which looked like Mars does in the pictures. But apart from being slightly reddish, it was no more like Mars in real terms than Croydon High Street is.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Don't bother visiting London's newest art gallery, in the bowels of King's Cross underground station. It is just a parade of lefty causes. How one pines for the days when British artists had one single ounce of rebellious spirit.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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I'm On Twitter!

ArthurWestwell: I wouldn't necessarily bother, Anna, I tried to reason with Ms Vered before but she believes in some form of Phantom Time hypothesis where the early middle ages didn't happen. Good to be sceptical of established narratives but not when you start believing in conspiracy!

Anna Dorofeeva: Oh thank god. I thought I was in the real world. Thanks!

James D'Emilio: I blocked that individual. They're not "good faith" questions. She and Mick Harper basically bait scholars into threads which they then post on a website (Applied Epistemology) that takes a sceptical view of all scholarship. It's entirely destructive and self-serving.

Anna Dorofeeva: That's good to know. I may do the same. A reminder for me why it's not a good idea to engage with questions on the internet.

I can't believe how anyone could accuse us of posting up Twitter exchanges on our website. Though that point about Hatty being destructive and self-serving is fairly shrewd.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Fish fingers and oven chips with veg or without veg? It's not a quiz, I'm genuinely undecided.
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Grant



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Gotta have peas
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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This turned out to be true when I proceeded without but that has to be weighed against the extra pan and colander, hanging around while the kettle boils, peas cook, squashed peas on the sofa. No, it turned out I was right and you were wrong, looked at in the round.
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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Hmm. Not sure. Did you fry or grill or bake your fingers? Try to chunk this recipe down into more manageable parts and then start by taking the most difficult decisions first, you can leave the peas and slice of lemon for later, when you fully grasp the basics. When you have improved a bit, I can advise you on plating up.

BTW don't lose heart if you have a chip pan fire. Take Grant's advice, and run like buggery, you simply let the house burn down, you can always buy another with the insurance.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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What an amateur. You put the oven on, you have a little lie down, you put the fingers and the chips in the oven, you have a little lie down, you eat the fingers and the chips, you have a little lie down. Now you try putting peas into the equation and you're going to have one angry bird pacing up and down because it isn't worth lying down for the requisite a) one minute for the kettle to boil and b) two minutes for the peas to cook, though I accept the one minute kettle time does overlap with the time required to separate a small wodge of frozen peas from a large wodge of frozen peas with sharp downward blows from a clenched fist.

Tell me more about this 'lemon' idea. Sarson's doesn't go with fish fingers but I am always up for the next big thing.
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Chad


In: Ramsbottom
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I am always up for the next big thing.

There you go...

https://www.birdseye.co.uk/range/ready-meals/british-and-italian-ready-meals/cod-chips-and-peas-platter
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Thank you, Chad, I'm sure it was well meant but I'm already on to mashing mixed veg in with the potatoes to form a colourful and nutritious (that's my five-a-day right there) heap and then plating (or plattering, I wish you two would make up your mind) this with six more fish fingers. (Yes, Bird's Eye do a thirty econo-jumbopack, that's five a week right there.)
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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What an amateur. You put the oven on, you have a little lie down, you put the fingers and the chips in the oven, you have a little lie down, you eat the fingers and the chips, you have a little lie down.


If you suffer from sleep apnea, you might want to undertake a risk assessment before practising your fish fingers. A tasty ham salad, with crusty roll, would be a safer option. Don't get disheartened, there are many fellow sufferers gullible enough to buy a Harper recipe book, if you can come up with exciting twists on cornflakes or the cheese sandwich.
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