CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

The bastard has already outmanoeuvred me. The Duty Manager sent me this email as soon as he got the complaint from the Complaints department

[Chad]

People have resorted to mass murder, under lesser provocation.

D’yer want to borrow my air rifle?

Or better still... Wiley has a stash of dynamite.

[Mick Harper]

Discussing it with others it seems a much wider problem that is affecting all bodies that are either in the public sector or nearby. (And not to be confused with merely large organisations that are just a pain in the arse to deal with because of labyrinthine bureaucracies.) Just in the last week I have heard about or directly experienced nightmares with the Post Office, the NHS, the police, schools and a large housing trust. Plus the government itself.

It would seem that Covid has allowed a really big split to occur. In the tooth and claw private sector, the lockdown has meant that everyone has jumped to it. Not just, say, the delivery companies but, say, the supermarkets. A bit of umming and aahing to start with and then business as usual, or a near facsimile thereof. But in the public(ish) sector -- we mustn't forget the Post Office is officially a private company -- it has just been not only paralysis but a seeming relish at disobliging everyone. What was known in the war as, "Don't you know there's a war on?" The basic problem is that all of them are run for the benefit of the workforce though, interestingly, the workforces are always described as suffering from permanent low morale.

Myself, I think these institutions are too far gone to be redeemable but what you do about them runs into the Great British Fondness for The Way Things Are, or at any rate too fond memories of the way they once were. The railways are a real case study here. Unfortunately this in turn runs into the left/right split, when the Left is fixated at the ideological level (especially in their refusal to countenance proper control of the unions), and the Right is nervous about re-opening old wounds from Thatcherite days. It may just be Britain that is too old to be redeemable.

But oh for some technical solutions. Like for instance selling the Post Office to Fedex (who by the way I have had my run-ins with but these seem to be the exceptions rather than the rule).

[Mick Harper]

A perfect illustration of what we're up against was today's Channel 4 News exposé of the biggest rubber glove company in the world, making monster profits on the back of COVID. I'll summarise the main crimes

1. They're paying them starvation wages. No. Although they are all foreign migrant workers, they are getting the Malaysian national minimum wage.
2. They're working too much overtime. Well, since they are getting time and a half I should think they're like every other worker in the world and queuing up for it.
3. They have to pay large sums to live in appalling conditions. No, they pay one-thirtieth of their wage if they want to live in entirely normal third world company-provided hostels. Practically everyone chooses to do so, it's a terrific deal.
4. They are ruinously in debt. This at least is true because they've had to pay five thousand dollars to middlemen just to work there!

But don't worry. After this dreadful publicity the world's aroused third world charities will force it all to close down and everyone can go back to Thailand and Myanmar and talk wistfully about the good old days when they were allowed to drag their families out of poverty.

PS Don't forget to renew your annual subscription to that third world charity.

[Mick Harper]

I suppose I had better address that old liberal saw that if the company is making monster profits they can afford to pay something towards the amelioration of their workers' conditions. That is true of course but the rubber glove market is intensely competitive so if one company starts paying more in costs of production they will start to lose market share and have to lay off workers. The workers will either have to go back to Thailand and Myanmar or pay another few thousand dollars to get a job with a less enlightened rubber glove company.

[Mick Harper]

M J Harper vs The Post Office (Cont)

So, my best strategy was to go along to Paddington today, Wednesday, because having pretended to deliver it yesterday they may have it today 'for collection' or they may be redelivering it tomorrow. Either way there will be time, if a suitable fuss is made, for them to go and fetch it. "It's in the redelivery pile, dear." I wasn't too hopeful -- "Can't see anything for Harker, it must have gone off already" -- but you have to give it your best shot.

There is no indication from the email about opening hours but old hands know these are always a lot less than you think. So I tracked down the general Covid advice on the matter to be told that large offices were open 7 am - 11 am and small ones 7 am - 9 am. Amateurs would assume that Paddington Main Sorting Office would be 'large' but I am not an amateur and got there at 8 am. Sure enough, they were a 7-9 outfit according to a notice on a glass door. It seemed closed but this doesn't mean anything. As I say, I've been round the block a few times with the Post Office, so I went round the block looking for the true entrance.

Found it, fifty yards away in a side street. 'We are closed on Wednesdays and Sundays.'

[Mick Harper]

The package by the way contains medical (rather than recreational ... I mean work-related) pills of which I need one a day. As I imagine most people find nowadays, it is easier to send off for routine prescriptions at some small cost from an internet supplier rather than have to battle your way to your GP, so I thought two weeks would be ample for re-supply from the extremely reliable British doctor-cum-pharmacy. And so it was, they arrived ten days ago. Initially.

Now I am down to one pill and I have to decide whether the Post Office will deliver tomorrow or I should make emergency provision today. Tricky but somehow exciting.

Mask worked well on bus -- a dazzling piece of forethought there, Mick. I was a bit nervous because my Freedom Pass (they said) wouldn't be valid during the rush hours and I had no idea how you pay on buses these days without one. Although the machine beeped red both ways the driver said nothing. He also said nothing when a schoolchild got on without a mask but pulled the collar of her blouse up to cover her mouth. We are often saved by the good-natured indolence of the British proletariat.

[Mick Harper]

Victory This Day

It's nine twenty seven of the forenoon, and the buzzer sounds. I sprint up the stairs (they can be back in the van and driving off if you dawdle). There stands the smartest looking postman I have ever seen. I don't even recognise the livery it is so dazzlingly new. He hands me my package. "Why didn't you ring the buzzer yesterday?" "I wouldn't know anything about that, sir, I'm making a special delivery."

And he was. The package has got 6/6/20 on the ordinary Tracked 48 label (when it was supposed to have been delivered) and a special Royal Mail roundel sticker over the top with Redeliver on day (Blank) and Walk no: (Blank) but someone has scribbled (I mean literally, all but indecipherably) Wed 17 6,20. Thank God, in hindsight, the office was closed.

'Nur nur, Mr Post Office, who's got the package now, you or me? I think you will find it's me.' Those muppets had no idea who they were messing with.

[Chad]

All that fuss over a few little blue pills.

[Mick Harper]

You would prefer I cut a swathe through the white rhino population? Easier perhaps but since you raise the point (no pun intended) we might consider the question seriously. We have been told that all these animals have been endangered because of the aphrodisiac qualities of their various appendages. They were in fact completely ineffective which made no difference to demand. Then these oriental droopies get a pill that does work and it still makes no difference.

Or its ivory. The ivory trade continues because 'ancient' ivory is tradeable. So everybody trades new ivory as old. It is obviously time to ban all ivory. So they won't. Now that China is our leader I fear there is nothing to be done about being nice to animals in general. But it may be orientals in general. However, if that is the case, it may be that it is our be-nice-to-animals that should come into question. AE says it should be considered anyway. Sorry, but nothing is to be taken for granted.

[Chad]

I’ve been watching the Smithsonian Channel quite a lot recently, and during each and every commercial break, I’ve been bombarded with appeals from WWF to adopt all manner of endangered fauna... you know the list: tiger, rhino, snow leopard, dumbo’s dad, panda... it’s endless. For three pounds a month, you get a signed paw print and a cuddly replica of your chosen adoptee.

The problem is they are all equally deserving, and my house simply isn’t big enough to accommodate all those furry toys (nor my bank balance big enough to accommodate all those subscriptions). It’s impossible to single out a particular species, so none of them get adopted... and I’m left with a guilty conscience.

It’s not my bloody fault they’re endangered.

[Mick Harper]

Sorry I mentioned it.

[Grant]

I must admit I care far more about cute little furry animals than I do about the entire population of Beijing. Does that make me a realist or a psychopath

[Chad]

That’s no contest, the Pekingese are not exactly endangered.

How about cute little furry animals vs the Navajo Nation?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-52941984

Injun Lives Matter kemosabe.

[Mick Harper]

Do we believe this story? Edward VII and guest are rough shooting on the Sandringham estate and wander far afield until wishing to go home they get on a train heading for Wolferton, the nearest stop for Sandringham. "Tickets, please." "I'm the King of England and this is the Tsar of Russia, my good man." "And I'm the Archbishop of Canterbury. Tickets, please."

I think he was an ordinary ticket collector.