CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

It's worse than that. The campaign he lobbied for and masterminded -- the Norwegian campaign -- was an even more embarrassing defeat so he got rewarded by being made Prime Minister. And no, buzzcuts don't count. They are in fact illegal if your girlfriend came round and did it. If you make a clean breast of it we will provide you with an Odessa route. I did my own just prior to becoming a recluse.

[Mick Harper]

After extensive canvassing of experts (my brother) I had reluctantly accepted that only new-for-old would fit the bill. He said, "Use John Lewis" though whether this is because they are good or because they are worker-owned he wouldn't say. Today I read this

[Mick Harper]

Hi! Mr Washing Machine Guy here again with tips for people who find they have to hand wash because all the big bastards won't deliver the big bastard stuff. Get your plastic-rubbery Bold 3-in-1 pod thingy that used to go in the bottom of your washing machine and take it to the bathroom where you will see some stuff soaking in the bath. Hold the pod in one hand and stroke your chin thoughtfully with the other. Now comes the important bit so I'll devote a whole new post to it.

[Boreades]

[Mick Harper]

Extract from a forthcoming book
(Concerning Denis Diderot's release from prison)

[Boreades]

Talking of metals, ScotRail has allegedly discovered a new kind. As mentioned in the Glascow Evening Times for 31st May:

[Mick Harper]

That was one of the best, followed by one of the worst, segues in AEL history. But answer me this: for hundreds of years we were taught that diddlely-dum, diddley dum was because they had to leave a space at the end of each rail to allow for expansion of metal in high temperatures. Then they went over to continuous rail and we a) no longer had hot weather or b) the physical laws of the universe had been suspended or c) A N Other. Borry, you are that A N Other.

[Boreades]

I've asked my Anglo-French railway cousin (Brunel Trevithick D'Boreades) what it's all about.

The diddlely-dum, diddley-dum track originally came from the era when manual labour was cheap and machinery was the expensive part. The sections of track were kept short, to make them manageable by the manual labour track-laying gangs. Then bolted together. Hence the diddlely-dum, diddley-dum as our jolly old train went over the joints.

The new-fangled continuous rail works fine if the rail is well-clamped onto every sleeper, to stop it moving or buckling, especially in the hot weather you so rightly mentioned.

In Cornwall, of course, they have the best of both worlds with continuous rail expansion joints.



Wiki pic of an expansion joint on the Cornish Main Line near Hayle.

M'Lady's in First Class tutting at the slow table service. The chablis was warm when it reached her. I'm in Third Class with the dogs, chickens and a crate of beer. I know my place.

[Mick Harper]

Don't buy this for a minute. If labour was cheap why not get them to bolt them together properly. Even weld them, why don't they. Or anyway put a little what's it called over the join to cut out that infernal diddly-dum. Did the SS Great Britain leave gaps?

But more seriously why have generations of historians and railwaymen been lying to us all all these years? Your revisionism will go too far one of these days, feller-me-lad.

[Mick Harper]

People often say AOL (not AEL) is a bit weird (not AEL) but this morning's offering is a new one even for them: it's all in Latin American Spanish (I think)

[Mick Harper]

There is good news and bad news on the washing machine front. My worries about the youth of today not being prepared to negotiate my basement winding stair with large kitchen appliances proved groundless. They positively gavotted. However the machine itself leaks (the water flows towards the same place as the last one I was interested to watch) and makes a funny noise with every revolution of the drum, all of which seems a bit early in its career.

I rang Curry's in the hope of catching the geezers while they were still on the fly but after many minutes of extremely helpful voices arrowing in my complaint with more and more accuracy until when asked when I bought the product I was able to say in a voice of triumph, "Today." I swear the computerised voice trembled slightly before saying "I am putting you through to our customer care assistant now," before wiser counsels prevailed and I was told the office was closed until eight-thirty on Monday. There is, according to their website, an average of one hour before anyone can answer because the youth of today cannot negotiate the winding stair of Covid-19.

[Mick Harper]

What people don't realise is that having a washing machine in the middle of your kitchen waiting for Covid-free assistance is a blessing in disguise. It's the breakfast bar you always wanted but thought you were never going to be socially mobile enough to achieve.

PS It turns out that the flooding was due to a blocked drainage pipe and the original breakdown in mid-cycle was a fuse blowing and I didn't need a new breakfast bar in the first place.

[Boreades]

Talking of washing machines and things going round and round, anyone else seen this?

Crop Circles - At Sea

[Mick Harper]

Another example of a great power tipping its opponents off in advance that it holds a potentially war-winning weapon and could everyone please get busy working out how to counter it. When will they learn?

[Boreades]