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AE on Telly News (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Boreades


In: finity and beyond
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Mountbatten's sexuality didn't get much of an airing in The Crown on Netflix, but the Prince of Wales's certain did.

M'Lady Boreades sat tutting her way through it all. I was bold enough to enquire why she was tutting. Did she disapprove of Netflix's version of history? I was firmly told: Yes, she did disapprove (and why). They've hardly scratched the surface.

Every time she'd met the PoW she came away feeling patronised by a smug, self-centred, self-opinionated delusional twat.

The bit they did get right (I'm told) was how obsessively jealous he was of Diana getting any attention. She (I'm told) was chosen as a suitable brood mare with the correct blood line, and was expected to produce heirs and spares and keep her mouth and legs shut. Except for Royal demands.
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Mick Harper
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Every time she'd met the PoW she came away feeling patronised by a smug, self-centred, self-opinionated delusional twat.

She must have felt right at home. Your children I mean, of course. Was I wrong to give up on The Crown after whatsherface took over? I've got a space in my diary after my one-on-one with Santa. Though no spaces on my list of presents. Yes, I know it's me dressed up but even so I like waking up to a big pile of them at the bottom of the bed.
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Grant



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How could she produce heirs with her legs shut?
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Boreades


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Mick Harper wrote:
Every time she'd met the PoW she came away feeling patronised by a smug, self-centred, self-opinionated delusional twat.

She must have felt right at home. Your children I mean, of course.


Your memory may be correct. Both M'lady and my children expressed the same opinion about you after you visited. To give you credit, I did insist you had some redeeming features. I wish I could remember what they were. Such larks.
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Boreades


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Grant wrote:
How could she produce heirs with her legs shut?


By royal appointment.
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Mick Harper
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Tranmere Rovers vs Brackley Town (BBC2)

Dear Controller, BBC2

I don't mind you clearing the schedules for games involving unfashionable teams, unfashionable people pay the licence fee too, but you must draw the line at towns even a place-name nerd like me hasn't heard of. I am not going to watch in protest. And if it goes to extra time and interferes with Newsnight I will hunt you down like a rat.

Yours sincerely
Name & address supplied
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Mick Harper
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Mark Kermode's Film Review (BBC News Channel)

I was really looking forward to Mank when it comes out on Netflix next week until The Quiffted One told me how disappointed he was with it. Now I will have to meta-watch it. He'd better meta-watch it.
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Mick Harper
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Turned out to be very good, though judged as a Netflix rather than as a cinema release. A few longueurs, mainly whenever Marion Davies was on screen -- it's about the making of Citizen Kane -- but I only took one break which is how I judge these things. It does though, I thought, need a very detailed knowledge of the Hollywood studio system and Californian politics in the thirties, which I have in spades but it led me to wondering how the makers could come to the same conclusion about the general cinema-going public. I decided it was like second world war movies, everyone knows who's who without having to be told. The studio bosses (bad), screen-writers guild (good), alcoholism (bad, except for creativity) etc etc.

Well crafted tosh. Just what the doctor always orders.
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Mick Harper
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Watching the second series of Borgen (which I don't think was shown on British TV) is proving to be a question of many breaks. It's not so much the soap opera taking over from the politics (always happens) as the dubbing is even worse. Remember doing Shakespeare in class? A bit like that. Things should improve when Netflix has got some money behind it.

I once had the idea of a computer programme that converted people's digitised lip shapes into the English equivalent, which seemed eminently reasonable when I had it ten years ago but got no takers. Even this would make no difference to wooden voice-overs. Haven't Netflix ever seen cartoons where actors do it utterly believably without breaking sweat?
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Wile E. Coyote


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Mick Harper wrote:
Mark Kermode's Film Review (BBC News Channel)

I was really looking forward to Mank when it comes out on Netflix next week until The Quiffted One told me how disappointed he was with it. Now I will have to meta-watch it. He'd better meta-watch it.

I have given up on Mark after he gave "Mary Poppins Returns," a musical fantasy film, containing no original fantasy (a pedant like Grant would point out that every film, even incredibly bad remakes, contains original content...) and, worse, without a single memorable song, a whopping four stars. No more Wiley heroes any more.
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Mick Harper
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I would criticise him even more in that direction. I regard one film in ten may be worth the time of day. He finds nine out of ten to be masterpieces. There's an AE point there -- film critics needing films -- but he exceeds his briefs. I shall never give up on him though. Just hearing him pronouncing his name to sound not like commode is enough for me.
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Boreades


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For some reason, this reminds me of "Departmental Capture".

We're used to hearing of that in respect of government departments, that turn out to more represent the interests of the industry they are meant to be policing than the public interest in the same industry.

I would be shocked (shocked!) to learn that it happens in the BBC as well.
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Mick Harper
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The Vow (Sky Documentaries)

I have now reached episode six (of eight) and have still not worked out the USP. I can't even figure out the business model. Basically young, good looking, prosperous Americans come along, in their thousands, to be given life-coaching and presumably pay for the privilege (nobody has touched on this aspect). As far as I could make out, they get their money's worth.

Meanwhile the guru-bloke appears to be able to make himself available for one-on-one consultation for hours at a time but, as yet, has said nothing any competent AE-ist couldn't come up with, though more diffusively. He is genuinely whip-smart -- that cannot be counterfeited -- but appears at a young age to have decided to be borderline crooked. He made his first millions, and his first run-in with the authorities, by setting up a crypto-pyramid scheme but one based on something that actually worked: you all club together to get good deals from retailers, manufacturers etc.

Presumably he discovered, as all accidental Ponzi-ists do, that you make more money from people entering the scheme than from them being in it. But how this relates to the scientology-type outfit that features in The Vow remains, to me, just out of sight...
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Mick Harper
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In case your own children get caught up in a cult, here's a tip on how to use your networking skills to rescue them

"I asked my mother to have a word with Prince Charles to see if he can get the Dalai Lama to intercede with them to get her out."
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Mick Harper
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Intrigue, Mayday (BBC Radio 4Xtra)

Just got round to finishing this 15 quarter-hour chunks of reportage about the death of James Le Mesurier, the face of the White Helmets in Syria. He was patently a saint, the organisation manifestly saintly and its opponents complete arseholes, but there was one bit that got left out.

By the time it was formed it was obvious to everyone, including Le Mesurier, including its western governmental backers, that Assad was going to win the war. It was everyone's duty to get that done and dusted as soon as possible and with the least amount of suffering as possible. Instead, the White Helmets and similar western- and UN-supported organisations have done everything in their power to keep the war going. With so far great success.
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