Mick Harper
Site Admin
In: London
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This brilliant piece has managed to acquire nil reads
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It’s A Race Against Time!
The thing that’s really distressing the good people of Britain — and there are no other sort — is foreigners storming their shores in small boats. It’s worse than ever: five thousand just in the last three months, the slack season. Come the summer there’ll be so many of them, people-smugglers will be chartering cruise liners. “Those intending to disembark at Southampton please make your way to C-Deck. Ensure you have no travel documents with you.”
Everyone agrees, something must be done.
A single gendarme placed strategically on every beach in the Pas de Calais area of France would certainly stop it. Assembling a hundred polyglots and a large rubber dingy on flat featureless terrain is something of a public spectacle. Not possible unfortunately. As President Macron explained to anyone who enquired at the Élysée Palace, “Monsieur/Madame Prime Minister, do you really think we’re going to solve your migrant crisis by making it ours?”
With one avenue closed and a general election in the offing, the British have been offered a choice of solutions:
The Conservative Plan
As soon as the boat people land — or as soon as is practically possible thereafter — they are taken to an RAF airfield, loaded onto a plane and unloaded in Kigali, the capital of the central African state of Rwanda. Those who were illegal migrants can make the best of it and those who were genuine asylum-seekers have found it in Rwanda. This sounds alarming and cruel but it has one thing going for it. Nobody, but nobody, is going to spend several thousand pounds risking life and limb to be whisked off to Rwanda.
The Labour Plan
Labour Candidate (on doorstep): Stopping the boats? We are going to use counter-terrorism legislation to go after the people smugglers and our intelligence capabilities to track down the people making the boats.
Red Wall Housewife: How many people smugglers have been brought to book so far?
Labour Candidate: Well, none, but that was under the Tories.
Housewife: Could you tell the security services rubber dinghies are available from Exchange & Mart?
Labour Candidate: I want you to listen to my voice. David Cameron, Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Rishi Sunak…
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