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CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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What part did I play in bringing Paul McCartney and Jane Asher together? No, go on, have a guess. Oh all right, I'll tell you. They first got together because Jane was impressed by Paul having read The Canterbury Tales (he did it for 'O'-level). Paul was impressed because she could recite whole chunks of it. So, if I had written RevHist showing Chaucer was a phoney a few years earlier than I actually did, they would never have become an item and Peter and Gordon wouldn't have made World Without Love. On such slender threads...
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Mick Harper
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Two of my bêtes noires have teamed up!

Penguin Press pre-empts Dr Kate Wiles book in six-figure deal by Heloise Wood 20th Jan 2020
Penguin Press pre-empted Lost Voices: The Languages of Britain by début historian Dr Kate Wiles in a six-figure deal.
Fourteen publishers met with the author, before the auction turned into a tale of four "warring" pre-empts.
Allen Lane editorial director Tom Penn finally securing UK and Commonwealth rights for six figures.

I couldn't be more astonished. It says Kate is a début historian which presumably means she hasn't written a book. I have read a bit of her magazine stuff and she is perfectly serviceable as both a writer and as a historian but who in their right mind is going to pay £100,000 (minimum) for such a book? Penguin. No wonder they're the biggest publisher in the world.

Far from being a monolingual nation, England has always been home to countless other languages.
Wiles said: "The idea for this book has been developing for several years."

Not because you read my book on the same subject, I hope, I'd want a finder's fee. How's it coming along? Three and a half years later, there's a reference to it in Goodreads but no sign of it on Amazon. Come on, Katiepops, pull your finger out. And don't forget to send a review copy to the AEL. We'll give it a very warm reception.
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Wile E. Coyote


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Wiles wrote:
"The idea for this book has been developing for several years."


Wiles is in a similar postion to Wiles, but without the bidding war.
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Mick Harper
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Every fortnight I would have to travel down to Dorchester on Saturday and return on Sunday. The return journey always took forever because of 'engineering works'. How I fumed. How I smiled wintrily when I heard the East Coast mainline has decided, from now on, engineering work is to be carried out during the week because leisure travel now swamps Britons working for a living. I blame Brexit.
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Mick Harper
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I only just noticed. Wiles and Wiles. Am I losing my grip? No, it shows how elevated my mind is.
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Mick Harper
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I know most of you are Lego fiends -- Hatty built her house out of it -- so this summer's competition is to build a model of the Titanic. (Hatty, I emphasise 'model'. Please do not embark on a full-scale rendition.) You can choose between the classic one


or one that includes an iceberg


It is entirely your choice. Please do not enter into correspondence, all versions will be judged strictly on modelling merit.
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Mick Harper
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Yes, I appreciate that what to do about used coffee pods is dominating the daily prints but what can I do about it? Nescafe is a Swiss-registered company so the fact they always send you fewer specially reinforced ultra-sealable used coffee pod bags than they do fresh supplies of new coffee pods means the entire nation will have to carry on putting them 'temporarily' in old washing-up bowls which are gradually marching across kitchen floors. It's either that or war with Switzerland and unless America joins in we'd lose any such war. Sorry, but sometimes you just have to accept force majeure.
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Mick Harper
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In a fit of pique I sent the above, verbatim and unadorned, to Nescafe. An hour later

Hello Mick
Thanks for getting in touch. We really appreciate your comments regarding our Podback scheme and will pass your feedback along to our wider teams. If you find yourself running low on our recycling bags we happily can provide more if you get in touch with us via email and provide your name and postal address. We hope this can help you in the future! Thanks again,
Bowie
Consumer Engagement Services

I can tell this is a bot because you had to include your name, email and postal address. If they can provide more why do they never provide the number I asked for in the first place? It's not as if there's a black market in surplus Nescafe coffee pod recycling bags. Still it's good to hear there are 'wider teams' tasked with fixing the overall problem. They won't be bots except in the limited sense that Swiss people are bots by nature.
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Mick Harper
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Warburtons has 12 bakeries, 14 depots, and 4,500 employees around the UK and is the most popular bread in the United Kingdom, ahead of Kingsmill and Hovis

It says on my latest purchase (a white sliced bloomer) they are a 'family baker'. Would that be the extended family or are they Jewish and just work hard?
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Mick Harper
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Trends on Trial Anita Bhagwandas in the Guardian
Can a pasta strainer be used as a hairdryer diffuser attachment?
I've never had any trouble.
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Mick Harper
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This Week's Beatles News

Skin from the drum kit used by Ringo Starr on the Ed Sullivan Show was sold for 2.1 million dollars BBC R4X Beatle Week, celebrating seventy-five years since Please Please Me (or whatever).

Does anyone seriously believe that Beatles music will be unthinkingly part of accepted life all over the world in the 2000's? 1967 article by Bryan Magee, philosopher and cultural critic (and a vague family connection of mine).
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Mick Harper
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I couldn't find the Q on my keyboard. Is this early onset dyslexia?
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Mick Harper
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"Mr Harper?"
"Yes."
"Fire door inspection. Just need to take a few photos."
"Go right ahead."
"Would you mind standing out of shot?"
"Of course."
"I'm sure you had a fabulous modelling career."
"I'll do the jokes."
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Mick Harper
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Only two salmon questions today.

(1) What's the difference between red and pink salmon? Don't get wrong, I love red and won't have pink in the house, but I'd like to know why.
(2) Having finished a (red) salmon and cucumber sandwich, I was overwhelmed by a burst of euphoria. Is that normal?
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Mick Harper
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We are writing a new book in the Reader's Room section which isn't available to mere mortals. If you feel you are more than a mere mortal and want to get involved, let me know either here or at [email protected]
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