The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Wile E. Coyote]

Unless Lineker recants, Wiley is now fronting MOTD with Jessica Rabbit, and Woody Woodpecker.


I know, I know, but you need a pretty one and a screwball one to complement the serious analyst.

[Mick Harper]

Is Woody Woodpecker particularly serious?

[Wile E. Coyote]

Looks like MOTD will now have no presenters or pundits. But an urgent meeting between the BBC and Gary has been arranged.

BBC Director General. "Now look, Gary, it has been brought to my attention that your tweets infringe our impartiality guidelines"

Gary " Really? What a funny old game this tweeting"

BBC DG. "Quite" "You understand that I cannot allow you to breach the guidelines"

Gary "Well, let's take it one tweet at a time"

BBC DG "I am sorry, I can't allow this to happen again"

Gary " There are no easy tweets at this level, boss"

BBC DG "Look, it is really becoming unacceptable"

Gary " Don't worry, it only takes a second to post a tweet, and change things around, governor"

BBC DG " Sorry, Gary, I don't want you tweeting at all"

Gary "I always thought I had a good first tweet for a striker"

BBC DG " I give up"

Gary " Never give up, Boss, after all it's a game of two halves"

BBC DG. "AAAARGH"

[Grant]

Presumably when MOTD airs on Saturday night and achieves record viewing figures with no Lineker or Shearer, they will sack the man who decided they had to pay them £1.3 million and £300,000 respectively? (Not sure what Wrighty gets, probably does it for the love and a few of Gary’s old crisps.)

[Wile E. Coyote]

[Wile E. Coyote]

Applied Epistemology Rule 531

If you buckle when your neighbour complains that Winston your cat is weeing on their lawn, be fully prepared to explain to your wife why, after you locked him in, he is now weeing under the chaise longue and not in his tray.

[Mick Harper]

Noted. Hatty, would you draw up a memorandum for the Rules Committee?

I missed the pundits on MoTD. I didn't know what to think. One couldn't help noticing though that the footballers didn't support Gary by withdrawing their labour. He was one of yours once, chaps, you should feel a bit of decent solidarity. Oh yes, and there were the match commentators. Burning with shame, I expect, but paying the mortgage that far down the BBC wage scales meant applying a bit of realpolitik.

"Them folks in yon studio and their fancy tweets. Not for the likes of us."
"We get free Bovril and sheepskin coats at cost."
"Aye, mustn't complain."

[Mick Harper]

I apologise for this outrageous slur against the good name of the commentatortoriat, I had not actually noticed there weren't any. Still, that's food for thought.

[Mick Harper]

Euro Roundup

Only getting two through to the last eight is a bit of a wake-up call specially as Chelsea weren't expected to be there. Liverpool being completely blown away is a first and Real Madrid aren't even the best of the foreign contingent -- that appears to be Napoli. (Are the Comorra really that rich? They'll soon be invited to join the G20 at this rate.) Well done, Spurs, by the way for appointing Tuchel. That'll remind Chelsea about the perils of constant chopping-and-changing. He'll be gone by Christmas.

It will be a pfaff having to support Man City because I still haven't warmed to them and, now they've got Fat Freddie up top, the games won't be close. Meanwhile Man United, Arsenal and West Ham have reached that point in the season when they wished they weren't in Europe.

Euro-Cocklecarrot: Man City get on the road to seven with an early pen because the ball brushes a defending hand as the bloke is coming down after going up. "He can have no complaints," comments the commentator, "everyone knows the rules about extended arms in the area by now." Yes, old chap, everyone does but since you can't jump up and down with your arms either by your side or behind your back, knowing the rules doesn't really help, does it?

[Mick Harper]

Arsenal 1 Them 1 (3-3) (4-5 pens)

Bring back the away goals rule! It's pretty obvious that Arsenal are running out of nervous energy. They are the youngest squad in the Premiership and retaining their vertiginous height week after week is taking its toll. We're well out of it to be honest.

It didn't help that Jesus was back with his brand of totally unproductive elegance. It may be time for thuggery on the pitch and brown envelopes off it. If so, I give you absolution in advance, my darlings, though I will go to my grave pointing out we aren't in the same league as Man City.

[Mick Harper]

M J Harper: An Apology

I was misled by spotting a headline re Tũchel and Spurs and jumping to premature conclusions so perfect was the solution. A typical piece of research slackery on my part. He (that is Tũchel ) is apparently learning Spanish preparatory to getting the call from Real Madrid. It is becoming a real puzzler for Top Clubs getting on and off the managerial merry-go-round. The old model of sticking with the gaffer through thick and thin is no longer operable in these Big Money times.

Football managers are like politicians, their careers always end in failure. But like politicians, they are all we have, so re-treads are inevitable. It is an absurd gamble taking a chance on fresh blood -- as I pointed out with both Wenger and Arteta -- so you are left with a pool of whichever of the usual suspects are available because they have just failed doing the job you are about to appoint them to. A dilemma only Applied Epistemology can solve. Though not on this occasion this Applied Epistemologist.

[Mick Harper]

[Grant]

Odd decision. Palace have an easy run-in compared with the others and a point a game will keep them safe. And in their last match they lost by only 1-0 against the best team in the world

[Mick Harper]

I was in two minds. Yes, he dun well to start with but, as the wiseacres pointed out, with Hodgson's squad. And, as Patrick pointed out, a tight-arsed chairman who wouldn't even give him a full back in the window. So, as the Guardian pointed out, the only black manager in the Premier league (both men and women) departs. They have to get women in, don't they?

[Mick Harper]