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CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Can someone explain to me the purpose of 'wafer thin salami'? After you've put two slices on to make up for them being wafer thin you're pretty much back where you started.
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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I don't know. I would conceptualise it as a crisp rather than a chip, so stick it in a sandwich as a substitute with whatever you would normally combine with crisps. If you are a chip butty type of fella, then basically you ain't going to be happy with this come what may. Bin it. Cat would like it, but it makes them ill.
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Mick Harper
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On roughly the same theme, my restless eye chanced on chocolate rice cakes. "Fifty-five pence for a rice cake with a top dressing of chocolate, what kind of mugs do they take us for?" Well, there's me for a start. But when I got home, oh joy! There were two chocolate rice cakes in the packet not the one I was expecting, and highly delicious they were.

But here's the clincher. Because I thought there was only going to be one, I had bought two packets. Now who's the mug?
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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It's Your New NHS

I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor.
Emergency or routine?
Routine.
The first appointment is Friday afternoon.
OK.
What is the nature of your complaint?
I've got a swollen foot.
Oh, that's an emergency.
Are you sure? OK, if you say so.
Are you free at 1.30 this afternoon?
Yes.
Ring for a consultation then.
Do you mean I'll have a consultation at 1.30?
No, you have to ring at 1.30.
Then what happens?
We arrange a consultation for you between 3.30 and 5.30.
OK.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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1.30
Harper rings doctor's surgery
1. 31
Surgery tells Harper a doctor will ring between 3.30 and 5.30
3.30
Doctor rings Harper and they chat agreeably for some little time
3. 45
Doctor tells Harper to come and see her at 4.15
3.46
Harper panics, bathes, changes clothes, walks briskly on swollen feet to surgery
4.15
Harper arrives at surgery to find, as usual with the NHS, staff outnumber patients by roughly five to one
4.30
Doctor examines Harper and grunts in surprise as test after test shows he is in prime condition considering his age and lifestyle
4.45
Doctor gives Harper prescription for tablets to get rid of water retention in feet brought on by too many hours at the computer saving Britain, world etc
5.00
Harper visits Macdonald's and buys a carry-out Whopper Special & All the Trimmings for £6.67
5.15
Harper eats comestible
5.20
Harper returns to computer.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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My marketing plan for Revisionist Historiography was that I figured there wasn't much competition despite this being a vital subject and hence I would get on most academic library shelves. This, alas, has not transpired possibly because, as things turned out, there was competition

James Banner’s book, the first full-length work on revisionist history since 1929...

I started off where history starts (allegedly) with Greece

... explains why, since the time of ancient Greece, historians have disagreed with others’ interpretations of the past.

I argue that written history is mostly garbage

He argues that written history has never been, inert, certain, and beyond reinterpretation

and that politics has nothing to do with it

nor does it arise more on the Left than on the Right.

It is because historians (and historiographers) are a bunch of complacent twats who think everything in the garden is rosy except for a bit of pruning now and again

Moreover, it’s to be expected that different minds from different places in different contexts never see the past the same way nor, because of the workings of memory, perception, and thought, can history ever be objective. History thus remains an enduring source of dispute for being essential to individuals’ differing places in the world, their visions and hopes, their searches for meaning, and their groups’ and nations’ sense of identity and destiny. In open societies, such disputes are to be welcomed as a sign of robust public life.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Who are these 'women' everyone's talking about and why have they got a day all to themselves?
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Mick Harper
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The demand for equal pay is going to run into a problem soon. For as long as records have been collected, the gradient for female remuneration has been rising at a steeper rate than that of men (wherever they can be compared). So in the not too distant future the one will cross the other. What happens when it does? Do men start demanding equal pay and will women concede it?

Should they concede it? It is, after all, only the workings of the free market.
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Grant



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Women’s brains are 10% smaller than men’s brains. If they end up earning the same as men it will be nothing to do with the free market.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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Since the trend is observable everywhere, are you saying this factor (which you don't identify) is operating everywhere? This is very exciting from an AE perspective since it is powerful enough to overcome brain capacity. As very few jobs rely on brain capacity, this will be doubly exciting.
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Ishmael


In: Toronto
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Mick Harper wrote:
Kindle doesn't allow arrows so I am now using \ and | and /.


Does it allow black and white illustrations?
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Mick Harper
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I thought you were supposed to be the expert! This is what I have discovered so far

1. When covers are on Kindle, they are reduced to a dull grey.
2. When covers are on 'tablets' (whatever they are) they are in full colour.
3. Diagrams and tables can be made to work after a lot of trial and error.
4. I haven't had the balls to go as far as 'illustrations', never mind colouring them.

Why not sign up to KDP and download their Kindle Previewer app? This covers both Kindle and 'tablets'. However, everything changes when you put it on a KDP previewer and then changes again when it actually goes out on Kindle and/or Tablets, so only do this if you have, like me, endless acres of time to fill as you pluck up courage for your next project which will take several years and will result in zero sales. Always the best years of one's life though so don't knock it.
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Ishmael


In: Toronto
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Mick Harper wrote:
I thought you were supposed to be the expert!


I think it does allow for black and white illustrations. I'm willing to make some for you---if you promise to yell at me only infrequently.
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Ishmael


In: Toronto
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Mick Harper wrote:
Why not sign up to KDP and download their Kindle Previewer app?


I pledge to do this just a s soon as I'm ready to convert the Deserts book to Kindle.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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I can't see the point if I can't yell at you but, as it happens, I have no need of your services presently as \|/ are quite sufficient for my current Kindling (THOBR) which is in any case held up on account of my not holding the rights and the rights holders not getting back to me on the grounds, presumably, of unimportance.

PS KDP have refused to allow me to kindlerise Meetings with Remarkable Forgeries, their reasons being opaque but implacable. Anyone who knows how I put it on Kindles/Tablets/etc by some other route, please get in touch. There could be a yell in it for you.
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