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CABINET OF CURIOSITIES (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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There's always someone brandishing a hi-tec solution to the world's problems. I prefer looking further into ourselves.

I too found the answer, last year during one of my x-times-a-year Big Shops at a real supermarket. There was something called McCain's Something (not its real name for reasons which will become apparent). You just couldn't go wrong with these. Crisp'n'Dry every time (you don't see that any more, do you?). It worked whether crinkle-cut or straight, patient or impatient. I was in chip heaven. Then disaster struck.

I forgot what they were called.
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Wile E. Coyote


In: Arizona
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What's this about "gastro triple cooked" frozen oven chips?

Is sticking them in the oven the third cooking, or are you just heating up an already triple cooked chip? Is it now a quad cooked chip?
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Mick Harper
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Even though technically it's illegal, I had chips two days in a row specifically to test Wiley's thesis. I was very strict with myself (and with my oven which can be unruly) and cooked them for precisely twenty minutes more than as instructed on the packet. Perfect lustrous golden brown comestibles.

The next test is myself.
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Grant



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Food companies always lie about how long it takes to cook frozen products. Presumably if they say the chips take 30 minutes people will buy the competitor’s product which says 20 minutes
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Mick Harper
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Yes, I thought of this but it seems so self-defeating. How many times are you going to say, "Ugh, these McCain chips are awful, let's try the Tesco own brand even though they take longer to cook." "Yes, mum, especially as McCain's makes the chips for Tesco, they said on Watchdog."

Coupla years in my case but I'm not typical. I like my food now and awful. I've got neither time nor taste. To be honest I wouldn't be me for all the tea in China.
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Mick Harper
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It is surprising how much of the bathroom can be cleaned while sitting on the loo. In ergonomics we call this 'multi-tasking'. Multi-phased of course over several days. You wouldn't want to be confused with some slatternly housewife. Housepeople, I believe they like to be called nowadays. Not that I'd have them in the house. Not for some time anyway. Them and their, "Mick, your bathroom!"
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Mick Harper
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Let me know anyone who wants a copy of my latest paper

The good news about CPOE and medical student ordering ability
G Michael Harper Annual Symposium proceedings / AMIA Symposium

When the quality of orders written by medical students was compared for those who trained at hospitals using computerized provider order entry (CPOE) to those who trained using handwritten orders, no significant differences were found.
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Mick Harper
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They say it's a mug's game being a polymathic genius but I don't agree.
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Mick Harper
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Did you know there's not a single bridge over the Amazon? Don't lie, you didn't.
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Mick Harper
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Shopping Notes

I'm a sucker for the new so I seized joyfully upon Canadian-style Brunswick Sardines with hot peppers in soya oil. £1.10 a tin! What do they do up there, Ishmael, catch them by rod and line?

Needing cooking oil, I went (wait for it) to the cooking oil section. They only had one brand. Crisp & Dry! Even Tesco read my shopping notes. Other than that, routine. There is a fuller version of this if you send me an SAE.
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Mick Harper
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In: London
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I can cautiously recommend Tesco chocolate chip brioche rolls. They are bad enough to make ideal snackerels.

PS Throwing out my old cooking oil bottle I noticed it was Crisp & Dry.
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Mick Harper
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This cheered me up immensely

https://medium.com/illumination/latest-research-shows-a-long-term-impact-of-drinking-coffee-76474aafe7cb

To summarise, the more coffee you drink, the longer you live. Write in if I'm wrong but I think this is the first time the Health Establishment has ever conceded that something pleasurable is good for you. I await their findings on salt. Then crack cocaine.
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Grant



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Had a problem with Ménière’s disease a few years ago (dizziness basically) and went to see a Harley Street surgeon using the company’s private medical scheme.
He admitted that medical science hasn’t a clue what causes it but recommended that I stop using any salt and stop drinking any coffee.
Thanks to the internet I found that although doctors often give this advice, there is absolutely no evidence that it has any benefits. Literally no trials have ever been conducted.
So basically the doctor was thinking, “Nice to earn the five hundred squids for half an hour’s work. I have no useful advice but rather than admit it, I’ll tell the patient to deny himself two of life’s pleasures for the rest of his life.”
How much medicine follows the same principles?
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Mick Harper
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Salt is really important. Many decades ago somebody in a white coat said there was an association between salt and strokes. That's all they needed. Salt is more readily associated with snacks and processed food, things the Health Nazis have been gunning for ever since the Nazi Health State first came to power in er... many decades ago.

I don't mind so much that snacks and processed food aren't as tasty as they used to be but I do mind the entire population of the world suffering from a salt deficiency which has addled their brains and left me as the only unaddled person left on earth. Although, come to think of it, I suppose that does have its advantages.

And the more salt I sprinkle on (Maldon sea-salt flakes can be sprinkled on with a shovel) the brainier I become. I can cope with the strokes, no prob.
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Mick Harper
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Having said that I nearly died this morning. I stood up to reach over my computer to open the curtains (it was glad confident morning again) and was suddenly seized with a cramp in my left leg. If you react quickly enough it will go away so I hurriedly reached out for my desk chair to sit down. This resulted in the chair falling to pieces (it was, as in Jailhouse Rock, a wooden chair) which in turn resulted in me hurtling sideways, bashing myself against the wall, then prostrate on the floor, dazed, with various bumps, bruises and contusions and limited prospects of summoning help.

But I'm all right now. The man's a trouper. We're thinking of having a collection.
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