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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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Everton and Rafa Benitez are currently exemplifying my managerial appointment philosophy
1. He's on the Top Club Merry-Go-Round
2. It's never a mistake appointing him
3. He succeeds about half the time
4. At this stage of his career trajectory, we're probably talking Top Club but not Top Four.
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Wile E. Coyote


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I would have thought Benitez would probably have been a good fit for Arsenal. He would get them back into Champions league.

Arsenal's problem is that they are still in their own minds a top four club, who have actually slipped to become top seven, partly because their fans are demanding that they become what they were under early Wenger, ie a top two club, who played attractive football. The answer for the fans is sack the manager....
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Mick Harper
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I would have thought Benitez would probably have been a good fit for Arsenal. He would get them back into Champions league.

As I say, he would have had a maybe fifty-fifty chance, compared to Arteta's maybe one-in-ten/twenty/something random chance. Although I would have opposed such an appointment because a) Benitez is a slightly busted flush and b) Arsenal have a tradition of appointing people on their way up or on a different ladder entirely. Though never people who haven't even got on the ladder yet.

Arsenal's problem is that they are still in their own minds a top four club, who have actually slipped to become top seven, partly because their fans are demanding that they become what they were under early Wenger, ie a top two club who played attractive football. The answer for the fans is sack the manager....

You're confusing a number of things. First of all we were a top one club, however briefly. Second, we are not a top seven club, we are a top four club. These things are measured by semi-permanent circumstances like fan base, stadium size, history, owner's wad, etc. Third, the fans understand that the glory days are unattainable so long as Chelsea and Man City have owners with fathomless wads. They merely ask for parity with Liverpool, Man Utd and Tottenham. That's what Top Four means even though there are six of them. Fourthly, fans never demand attractive football, they demand successful football. They will have the second without the first but never the first without the second. Fifth, they demand this manager be sacked. Sixth, they suspect that the hierarchy that chooses the manager (and the disastrous policies of player recruitment and retention) will have to go to achieve all or any of the above. Seventh through fourteenth: you've suffered enough.
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Wile E. Coyote


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This is what I mean, despite your lowly placing in the premiership, you clearly still think you are bigger, by some measurements, than at least one of Man City, Man United, Chelsea or Liverpool. I doubt that. You sell less shirts, have less social media followers, than the other big four, you haven't qualified for the champions league since, I have forgotten, but it's been a while though hasn't it?

The ground size is impressive, but then you have to factor in West Ham? Maybe if you ignore results and squad strength and revenue, you are fifth, rather seventh.

To Wiley, you have dropped out the top four, the question is by how much, and how much worse will it get?
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Mick Harper
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These are solid points and ones, I now realise, could easily be missed by the purblind Arsenal fan. Also missed, since it will be relevant, by metropolitan-biased sports media folk who are typically neither Jewish nor East End (though decidedly Chelsea-esque). You have provided an impressive list which is definitely and refreshingly not of the 'bogus' type but of course might be just plain wrong. I'll list them

not bigger than perm one from Man City, Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool
sells less shirts,
fewer social media followers
haven't qualified for the champions league since forever
ground size vis a vis West Ham
results
squad strength
revenue
seventh not fifth

and go away and have a think about it. While others no doubt will steam in on this not unimportant matter. For non-sports freaks, remember we are using this as a metaphor for Britain's place in the world post-Brexit, post-Afghanistan/Libya/Iraq, post just about everything going back to Suez. If not our Victorian heyday under Queen Wenger. This is an AE question, not a sporting one.
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Chad


In: Ramsbottom
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Yes, Britain/Arsenal need to accept/adapt to their diminishing status within the new world/Premier League order.

Anybody have Big Sam’s number?
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Mick Harper
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He'd be an excellent choice for the rump of the season. If only to talk some sense into the obviously out-of-touch American owners about the dubious qualifications (and possibly motivations) of the Euro-minion hangers-on. For Augean stables, Sam's yer man. Even if it is 'it takes one to recognise one', he says darkly.

Too northern for Britain of course. There are some standards that one durst not brook. Some M25's one dares not cross.
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Grant



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It was funny watching Arteta on MOD explaining how well Arsenal had played in parts, whilst the stats column at the side showed that City had 25 shots to Arsenal’s 1. Meanwhile Crystal Palace showed a remarkable improvement against West Ham.

Viera will be appointed by Christmas.
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Mick Harper
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I believe the possession was 91% against 9 -- anyway some figure I have never seen before. I took a keen interest in the Palace game as well and not just because my oldest friend is a West Ham supporter and I'm anxious they do badly so he can carry on being my friend. From the highlights I got the impression that 5-0 to the bubble-blowers wouldn't have flattered them.

Another friend, a Crystal Palace supporter, said, "Viera? Sure you can poach him. Poach him, fry him, I don't give a monkeys." However another friend said, "You just made that up. You having two friends? You're 'aving a laugh."
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Mick Harper
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This Week's Football Quiz

1. Which of these is the larger number

I want to see him putting in a hundred and ten per cent every training session
We are very happy with him. It is 99.99% that he will stay

2. Underline the two words that don't fit

This time the discourse centred on the emergence of Tino Lavrimento, Falarin Balogun and Harvey Elliot, the newest members of the new look England Under-21's squad. Clue: it's a first name and a surname.

3. How did the vicar of All Saints, Colchester know which club the baby he was christening 'Etienne Green' would play for in later life?

4. Which fearsome footballing intellectual wrote this

The more I watch these £30-60 million players that clubs have to get three of to replace their departed main man, the more I am convinced you should keep hold of your main man, whether he wants to be there or not.

and the following day read this

Richarlison has been touted as a potential replacement for Paris Saint-Germain should they sell Killian Mbappe to Real Madrid.
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Wile E. Coyote


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These boxing matches between you tubers and mixed martial guys are both more expensive and more boring than the normal fare.

The reason being that if you have 3 months to train a novice, the best way is to instill some rudimentary defensive skills, so it almost inevitably becomes a boring fight unless, that is, one of the participants, eg Askren, hasn't picked up even the basics, or rather he can't unlearn his MMA, so instinctively starts dropping his hands.
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Mick Harper
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We'll hold a conference on this one, Wiley. Then create a new Research Division to explore avenues opened up by it. Can we expect your position paper by Wednesday to get the wheels in motion? Possibly a tourney-within-a-conference if it can be done economically. AE-ists versus mixed martial artists, who rules the podium? That sort of thing. Hatty to explore sponsorship, health insurance etc.

But it's Bank Holiday Monday so let's lighten the mood with Paddy Power's odds on the next Arsenal manager (Arteta is favourite to be FPMOTT) with my learned comments attached. First the English candidates (sorry, Chad, your wife's 'best friend' didn't get a look-in)

Brendan Rodgers Evens Despite the odds, I don't think so. He's succeeded too often and failed too often. Has the air of Michael Heseltine (good pun there, tuck it behind ear for another time). Maybe unavailable
Eddie Howe 3/1 Available Too boyish
Graham Potter 10/1 Presumably available Not with that name.

The foreign legion:
Antonio Conte 6/1 The one that best fits my criteria and would be my choice but would he want the job?
Roberto Martinez 14/1 God, no, a frightful oik.
Ralph Hasenhuttl 11/1
Christophe Galtier 12/1
Paulo Fonseca 14/1
Gian Piero Gasperini 14/1

Who are these people? If Paddy Power has them in the frame they are all presumably successful but not too successful to turn their noses up. On general grounds, Germans are to be preferred to Italians but other than that it is 'Yes to all of them, it'll be fifty-fifty anyway'. Maybe not Gasperini. The puns would be too awful. Galtier just squeaks by, name-wise -- memories dim. Trivial, you think? That's the beauty of knowing it's always fifty-fifty so long as basic criteria are passed, you can be as nitpicky as you like.
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Chad


In: Ramsbottom
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Didn’t I recommend Nuno a while back?

What’s he up to these days?
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Wile E. Coyote


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I think it is time for Arsenal to appoint the current Everton assistant manager Duncan Ferguson. I am not sure it would work, but it is what they need, and would make the job of whoever follows easier.

Burglary attempts at his homes
In 2001, two burglars broke into Ferguson's home in Rufford, Lancashire. Ferguson confronted them and was able to detain one of them, who subsequently spent three days in hospital.[45] The second man managed to flee but was eventually caught. Both men were sentenced to 15 months' imprisonment for their actions.

In 2003, Ferguson caught another burglar at his home in Formby, Merseyside; the burglar attacked Ferguson, who retaliated. The burglar was hospitalised and later alleged that Ferguson had assaulted him, but this was dismissed by police.[45][46]

Convictions for physical altercations
Ferguson has had four convictions for assault – two arising from taxi rank scuffles,[3] one an altercation with a fisherman in an Anstruther pub,[3] and one for his on-field headbutt on Raith Rovers defender John McStay in 1994 while playing for Rangers, which resulted in a rare conviction for an on-the-field incident.

The first incident led to a £100 fine for headbutting a policeman and a £25 fine for a Breach of the Peace,[47] while the second resulted in a £200 fine for punching and kicking a supporter on crutches. He was sentenced to a year's probation for the third offence.[48] For the 1994 on-the-field headbutting, he received and served a three-month jail term for assault.[49] Ferguson's troubles with the law and his imprisonment inspired Finnish composer Osmo Tapio Räihälä to write a symphonic poem as a "musical portrait" of Ferguson, titled Barlinnie Nine.[50]
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Mick Harper
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England: Could someone explain?

(1) Passing it laboriously around in the middle of the park until someone decides a lofted pass over the top is required. Since the defence is set, this results in either (a) giving up possession or (b) not giving up possession and passing it laboriously around slightly further up the park.

(2) Passing it laboriously around in the middle of the park until someone remembers that Grealish is playing and the ball is passed to him whereupon either a) something good happens or (b) he recognises nothing's on and passes it back again. He is kept on the wing to make sure this does not happen with any regularity.

(3) Bringing on Saka and Henderson in the 87th minute when 4-0 up

(4) It is six-for one and Hameed gets a lifter three feet outside his off stump. He waves at it extravagantly and is caught at slip. Since even if he had connected and scored four (even six) he would have been roundly condemned, why did he do it? The commentator said he finally gave into temptation after twenty dot balls. What, temptation to lose his place after waiting twenty dot months to get back into the side? In what job could this ever happen? "After a couple of hours of not much going on, the filing clerk waved his bottom out of the window, and was sacked." Goodbye, Hameed, I quite liked you and it's not as if we are blessed with openers at the moment. You might have to take up wicket-keeping to get back in.

(5) Appointing Moeen Ali as vice-captain. He is the least likely player in the side to keep his place long term and has hitherto shown no Brearley-type qualities.
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