The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)

[Mick Harper]

The absolute star of Tokyo 2020 is turning out to be none other than... Bradley Wiggins. He's not only an ace reporter plus a peerless 'colour' man, he has an unexpected rapport with all sorts. And I don't mean the standard joshing that everyone else so boringly, unendingly and embarrassingly goes in for.

Item: an orange-clad Dutch rider, having just beaten a Brit, passes behind Brad and makes an audible jibe in Dutch. El Wiggo turns smartly and sees him off in fluent Flemish. Did he train with a Belgian cycling team in his youth? Better than that, he was born in Ghent! Of an Aussie dad so he'll be fluent in Strine should that necessity arise. Arise, Lord Wiggins of Willesden.

[Mick Harper]

It is often said that India doesn't pull its weight in the athletics arena. Not so.

[Mick Harper]

Olympic boxing is notorious for its officiating and judging but Lauren Price went though the gamut in her middleweight semi.

Round one: she puts on a brilliant display of in and out counterpunching. Hitting constantly and (almost) never being hit. She loses that one. Why? Because the Dutch woman was coming forward all the time and Olympic judges always like that even though it appears nowhere in the (amateur) rules.

Round two: after twenty seconds Lauren gets a public warning. For why? Because she's a head shorter than the Dutch woman who grabs her head whenever it's within range, for which the ref keeps admonishing our girl Lauren for lowering her head. Judges have to deduct a point for a public warning which, since they are nearly always scored 10-9, means Lauren no longer has a realistic chance of winning. Lauren resigns herself to her fate and barely throws a punch for the whole round. She wins that one.

Round three: it's a big nothing but it gets awarded to Lauren, who is declared the winner. The gold is now just five judges away.

PS Eurosport commentators are clearly under instructions not to rock the Olympic boat. This is, though I'm guessing, because they get it cheap in exchange for putting on the extra channels to broadcast the sports the BBC think, quite correctly, nobody in their right minds would ever watch. Listen out for the circumlocutions their commentators use to express outrage.

[Grant]

Around the sporting world one thing is clear - black people are the fastest humans.

Except in Italy.

Jacobs, the half-white Italian American who won the 100 metres gold medal had never broken 10 seconds until three months ago. Now they’ve won the sprint relay as well! According to the Washington Post he puts it down to changing his start and eating more vegetables.

[Grant]

Jacob’s best times:
2018 10.08
2019 10.03
2020 10.10

In May that was still his best. Now his best is 9.80.

[Mick Harper]

You are correct. This is not humanly possible. I suspect they've refined micro-dosing to a level below the current detectable threshold. They will be found out in five/ten years time when the frozen samples are tested, which is why so many Russians got found out -- London by all accounts was the dirtiest Games ever, contrary to everyone saying they would be/were the cleanest Games ever. Though personally I wouldn't give a toss if I had had five or ten years as Olympic champion before they made me send back the medal.

But, please note, the really big international doping sport, road cycling, is not subject to the freeze-and-test regime -- they use the laughable passport scheme -- and totalitarian states can't compete in commercially driven sports. My suspicion is that all Grand Tour winners are cheating in some fashion simply because the advantages are so decisive. Without wishing to point fingers Chris Froome was a Rolls Royce when he was with Sky but a Rolls Canardly now he's with Israel, God's Chosen Team (or whatever they're calling themselves this year).

However... however it is far better to sit back and enjoy it in blissful ignorance when it's your own lads doing it. I had no idea he was Jewish at the time. "Don't worry about all that fire-and-brimstone stuff," the Rabbi told him, "we're Reform Jews, we only micro-dose."

[Grant]

Froome and Wiggins also suffered from asthma and had to use inhaled steroids. I was disappointed when I heard this because I am also an asthmatic and gave up my hopes of winning the Tour de France years ago.

If only I’d known that asthma improves your chances of climbing Mont Ventoux

[Mick Harper]

The fascinating aspect to all this -- and perhaps you can wheeze out something helpful from your experience-- is that there are dozens of asthma cures on the market, all equally good (or bad apparently) but riders always chose the one that helps them up Mont Atchoo. Their doctors, quite correctly, issued the necessary medical exemption certificate, "Yes, this is for treating asthma." In many cases though they were not required to say whether their 'patient' was actually suffering from asthma. It is one of those conditions that is fairly subjective.

PS The Sky doctor did get into trouble with the GMC over that bag of steroids a few years down the line. From what you say it was probably some sort of asthma treatment. As he said at the hearing, "There's a lot of it about."

[Mick Harper]

Can someone explain what's happened to canoe and kayak racing? It has been a Briton's birthright ever since Wolfe stood on the Heights of Abraham to get Olympic medals in these sports. And, please note Boreades, one of them is not even fully sitting down. I watched and I watched and I watched but after the first event when someone defending his gold from Rio won a bronze, we not only got no medals, we didn't have any competitors. Sweet Jesus of Our Deliverance, Moldova had more people than we did. One.

How, pray, are today's kids going to swarm off to Peter Pan's Pool, hire canoes, try to stand up in them like they do in the K4 and the bloke call the parkie to have us chucked out? That's two birthrights gone right there.

[Mick Harper]

[Mick Harper]

Did they take the knee at the Charity Shield? The reason I ask is

1) I obviously wasn't going to watch the match in full (do I look like a moron?) so didn't record it
2) I obviously waited for the highlights
3) Not so obviously there were no highlights
4) When I heard belatedly that City had signed Jack Grealish I reluctantly decided I had to watch the whole thing albeit at double speed
5) They didn't show the full match again so I couldn't. They show everything again!

But to return to taking the knee. The obvious break-point -- presumably there has to be one -- is the start of the new season. The Charity Shield harks back to last season so doesn't really count. But Brentford vs Arsenal on Friday does. I need to know therefore about knees at the Charity Shield. And did Grealish play and if so with what effect.?

PS This not an elaborate AEL test to flush out morons. That is just an unintended consequence.

[Mick Harper]

[Chad]

Anybody know how Arsenal got on against Brentford?

[Mick Harper]

I don't mind them doing well (I'm a fan), I don't mind them doing badly (we can get shot of Arteta) but it was perfectly obvious that deja vu reigned i.e. we pushed it around like champeens for fifteen minutes, we decide that's no good and start hoofing it up the park, we end up playing like some bunch of never-wazzers from West London. We'll end up mid-table again and Arteta will be given another year. 'Cos we're a family club, or built on tradition or some soppy bollocks.

How can you start the season with Balogun as your striker and actually be looking forward to the return of Lacazette and Aubameyang? This is a real Arsenal thing: someone plays well for a bit, then he plays badly for a bit, then he carries on playing badly and he's given season after season to see if he'll ever play well again. He won't. Though he may elsewhere. That's the way it is in the Premiership. Just because occasionally he will is not a reason to adopt it as policy. You get rid, even if you drop a bundle of money and are made to look foolish. Otherwise you're doomed to be a mid-table top four side.

I used to go to Griffin Park. To watch Gerry Cakebread. They're my team really, all things considered. I'd better tell Chad we beat the Arsenal yesterday. He'll be chuffed to beans, we both hate them.

[Chad]