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The Importance of Sport (NEW CONCEPTS)
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Mick Harper
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I will pass your observations on to the Comorra. They may call round in person to discuss it because the internet doesn't extend south of Rome. Copper being the price it is. Italy once passed us in GDP per head, first time since Brucellosis's day, but hasn't come close since. They're due to be next out of the EU, Borry, so it's your job to cement relationships. I don't mean in the footware sense.

We can call ourselves Britaly and be a single market, selling our goods on the world stage as being "from Britaleee', like the ice cream advert. If all goes well, more and more countries will join until we have the whole of Europe forming one giant market! So don't screw up.
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Boreades


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Excellent, M'Lady will be delighted to have your Comorra friends for lunch. Do ask them to bring a few bottles of Chianti.

Re the lack of t'interweb, the Durrells tell us they have similar problems in Greece. By the way, for goodness sake don't give Louisa any more gin. But Larry has joined the "Foreign Office" to help - it's all a bit hush hush.

If you can negotiate duty-free deals for olives, halva and retsina, do let us know. We used to get them by the lorry-load from the Katsouris Brothers and their Cypressa Foods on the Holloway Road. But now the Katsouris have sold out to some meat processing firm called Cranswick. As #1 Daughter is Vegetarian Carbon Neutral (like Saint Greta), we've lost faith in Katsouris and we've reverted to shipping freight by sea. SS Boreades is available to help with transport.
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Mick Harper
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We are obliged to Senor Guacamole for saving English honour. Chelsea are in an unexpected group of death and won't get through.

PS If you watch the first half of the lesser of the two games at double-speed and train yourself not to look at the latest score window that comes on in the top left hand corner, then the first half of the other game at normal speed, then repeat for the second halves, you can manage not to be told the score by the arseholes at BT Sport who won't even extend us the courtesy of "If you don't want to know the score, look away now."
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Mick Harper
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I've always been a one-man man but with Loftus-Cheek leaving the full flush of youth without having fully stirred the loins, let us genuflect at the young god-head that is Tammy Abrahams. Though even he may already have peaked. I really miss the old days when you knew where you were though you didn't necessarily like it very much. Like before we joined the Common Market. If only we could turn the clock forward.
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Mick Harper
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Man Utd 1 Astana 0

Since United had put out their reserve team and ten-nil wouldn't have flattered them, was this a case of Giants vs Minnows? Not quite. Astana (the capital of Kazakhstan) are the Manchester United of cycling. The government (aka the dictator) of Kazakhstan thinks it worth funding the cycling team to world dominance. Now I don't know how popular cycling is in Kazakhstan but I am willing to bet my Claud Butler that football is more popular. So why not bankroll the football team, your excellency?

Presumably because while a seven figure sum will get you a top quality cycling squad it wouldn't get you Marcus Rashford's left leg. This is good news. While oligarchs can buy the greatest football teams on earth, sovereign nations can't. Put that in your fuchow, China, and smoke it.
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admin
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I cannot find 'fuchow' in my Mandarin dictionary.
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Mick Harper
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It's street.
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Mick Harper
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Wolves 1 Braga 1

This provided an important first: first time there's been a woman colour man for a male football match. Karen Carney. I assume an England international. Her contributions were unexceptional -- better than Michael Owen, not as good as Jermaine Jenas -- and I didn't believe a word she said, her being female, but that's just time and tide, I'll get used to it.

No, it was her accent that was interesting. Boys always develop two accents, a coarse one for when they're with their mates, a less coarse one for the world in general. Girls on the other hand gravitate to a single all purpose accent, one that suggests they are fun to be with but aren't slags. Football of course is prime coarse territory but commenting on football is 'world in general'. Karen's was neither one thing or the other. Technically, it was straight estuarine with glissanding glottalstops (that is she was not quite in control of them) but with sudden northern flat vowels intruded from time to time. Most unusual. I thought she'd probably be fun to be with but I wouldn't fancy my chances.

With women's belated entry into football, does this herald greater changes? Let us hope so, we need some fresh talent after a hundred thousand years of men having to do everything.
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Mick Harper
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Rugby World Cup

If Russia (just pasted by Japan) are ranked twentieth in the world then gawd 'elp Canada and Namibia who are ranked even lower. The cricket world cup got it about right when it let in one no-hoper country (Afghanistan) to encourage the aspirations of minnows and made sure every other game was competitive.

It really is no use tuning in when half the time you are praying for the slaughter to stop. Nor can I believe it will encourage young Russians (or Namibians) to watch their heroes being made to look like fools and then want to do the same when they grow up.
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Wile E. Coyote


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Mick Harper wrote:
Wolves 1 Braga 1

This provided an important first: first time there's been a woman colour man for a male football match. Karen Carney. I assume an England international. Her contributions were unexceptional -- better than Michael Owen, not as good as Jermaine Jenas -- and I didn't believe a word she said, her being female, but that's just time and tide, I'll get used to it.

No, it was her accent that was interesting. Boys always develop two accents, a coarse one for when they're with their mates, a less coarse one for the world in general. Girls on the other hand gravitate to a single all purpose accent, one that suggests they are fun to be with but aren't slags. Football of course is prime coarse territory but commenting on football is 'world in general'. Karen's was neither one thing or the other. Technically, it was straight estuarine with glissanding glottalstops (that is she was not quite in control of them) but with sudden northern flat vowels intruded from time to time. Most unusual. I thought she'd probably be fun to be with but I wouldn't fancy my chances.

With women's belated entry into football, does this herald greater changes? Let us hope so, we need some fresh talent after a hundred thousand years of men having to do everything.


Yes, she put in a decent shift. (see what I did)
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Mick Harper
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I see the play on "she put on a decent shift" but is there more?
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Mick Harper
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Got it! The Great Vowel Shift.
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Mick Harper
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Hands up anyone who hates watching football played in the sunshine. That's swung it for me, I'm joining these extinction rebellion people. Does anyone know where you pay your subs?
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Mick Harper
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A year ago I wrote, with embarrassing fulsomeness, about an eighteen-year-old Belgian called Remco Evenepoel who had just beaten his contemporaries, with embarrassing ease, at the World Junior Cycling Championships. The UCI are very careful about age-grouping because of the severe demands cycling places on youthful bodies so this year Remco was no longer eligible for the Juniors and would, for three years, join the Under-23 ranks. Would he scatter contemporaries several years older than him to the four winds?

Yes, decided the UCI, and ordained he would have to join the grown-ups in the Elite races, the time trial of which took place in Yorkshire yesterday. After forty cyclists had panted their way o'er vale and dale, and a few seconds separated the top competitors (two Brits well to the fore) Remco Evenpoel hoved into sight and beat the lot by a full minute.

All was set fair for the crowning of a new Eddy Merckx until the last rider hoved into view. This was Rohan Dennis, an extremely weird Australian, who wins world championship time trials and then disappears on account of his constant rows with any cycling team that employs him. He beat Remco's time by another minute. Then, instead of falling prostrate on the ground as you are supposed to do at the end of a time trial, he leapt off his bike, picked up his baby son and pranced around showing him off to all and sundry Yorkshire folk. 'Reet champion, thar is,' they said. To him, not the baby.
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Mick Harper
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I'm not usually in favour of pester power but I'm going to drop some heavy hints that I want a replica set of Man City's new away kit for Christmas. Come on you pink and lemons.
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